Hometown Tourist

Development

2012-01-27T14:31:00.001-06:00

The past couple of weeks, we have seen major movement forward in some of the stickiest growth areas for both Charlie and Ellis. As I write this, we have reached day 5 of Charlie wearing underwear without a single accident. We're about six months past my original potty training deadline, mainly because I lost focus during my nasty extended bout of morning sickness, but I will be able to keep my commitment to having only one child in diapers when the baby arrives in April.

He's happy as a clam with his new "big boy" status of using the toilet despite all my worries that he would resist forever. He originally wasn't sold on the idea at all, and while he liked his sticker chart and occasional candy awards, he still preferred to go in his pull-up if I didn't make him sit on the toilet periodically. On Sunday, Josh and I decided to take away his pull-up crutch, put some underwear on him, and deal with the accidents. There was a gigantic sob-fest about this transition, but after the crying and a couple of leaks, he sort of sighed and decided to make the most of the potty as if it was his idea in the first place.

This week also marked the third week in a row that Ellis has remembered to bring home his homework every night of the week. The forgetting started when he was struggling with multiplication tables as a way of avoiding an unpleasant task, but became a bad habit. We have a rule at our house that once you take care of all your responsibilities on a weeknight, you can do whatever you want with your free time until it's time to go to bed. Ellis's love of unstructured free time rivals my own, and when he found out that unstructured time disappeared if he didn't bring home his homework, it became a great motivator for him. Now he runs into the house immediately after school to finish his work to maximize his free time.

It took just the right mix of positive and negative reinforcement to facilitate these developments from a parental perspective, and it caused me to reflect on the most effective strategies for facing the growth areas we encounter regardless of our age. It's very easy to lose hope when struggling with things that don't come naturally to us. As adults, I think we too easily pathologize ourselves and give into the unhelpful negative that there's something wrong with us. The gratification for this negative is that we can use it as an excuse to avoid the work we need to do or to give up our power to achieve greater health, wisdom and happiness.

I prefer the asset-based philosophy that development continues long past childhood. We all have a deep well of strengths and assets that include the ability to surmount our personal obstacles and grow in ways that make us better. The primary work of our lives is to continue to identify and address our growth areas while maintaining the belief that it is possible and insisting that it will happen.

Compatible

2012-01-20T09:45:00.001-06:00

On the days when we don't have to drive Ellis to school and Papa vacates the bed early to head to work, Charlie and I sleep in. I awake to the squeak of the pocket door of his bedroom and hear his quick, heavy footsteps make their way to me in the big bed. He climbs in and tickles himself on my curly hair, chattering to me while I feign sleep. Sometimes we play our favorite game and imagine that we are baby birds in our nest until imaginary worms are no longer sufficient to quell our hunger and we head to breakfast and the start of the day.

Our days are easy now, especially since winter and my rough pregnancy have curtailed many of the outdoor adventures we had this summer. He an I putter around the house flitting from activity to activity. Most often we run on parallel tracks, each doing our own thing, talking and laughing with each other periodically, pausing to share a meal. It is the quiet rhythm of compatibility we have had since he was a baby writ large by the fact that we spend the majority of our time together. I savor the fact that, for right now, we have been given the gift of the mellow, easy, free-form life we enjoy the most.

The swathe of solitary time we have together is about to end. In a few months another little one will join the rhythm of our days. I know that when I see Charlie for the first time after I give birth to his new brother or sister, he will seem so big to me, so grown, and will be my baby no longer. We will both struggle a bit to adjust to the transition, just another along the path of separating from each other as he grows. Nevertheless, we will continue to know in our easy laughter, that we will always be two pieces that broke off the same soul.

3 Times in 9 Years

2012-01-03T09:09:00.000-06:00

I thought it would be fun to compare belly photos from each of my three pregnancies. These pictures are all from roughly the same time in each pregnancy (late second to early third trimester). From left to right: Pregnant with Ellis @ age 29; pregnant with Charlie @ age 34; and pregnant with the current baby @ age 38.

I've spent time reflecting on the differences and similarities of each pregnancy. I can't say that I love being pregnant, but this time around I've taken time to appreciate the amazing and beautiful ways my body changes when I'm growing a human from scratch.

(P.S. I used to say that your thirties are like being President of the United States in that you look a lot better going in than you do at the end. These photos make me think my thirties haven't been as hard on me as I thought. Of course, it helps that I don't have some of the weird skin issues from my earlier pregnancies and can actually wear makeup this time.)

Out With the Old, In With the New

2012-01-02T14:39:00.000-06:00

Popcorn and pie and snuggling on the couch watching movies marked the last hours of 2011.

As the little ones faded or went off to play games, Midnight In Paris with my true love led to midnight in Saint Paul.

When the clock struck twelve, those of us who remained awake, continued our traditions: hats and noisemakers, reading last year's wishes, and writing brand new ones for 2012.

2011 Retrospective

2011-12-31T12:57:00.000-06:00

2011 was the kind of year wherein the fasten seat belts light remained on for the entire ride. The world outside seemed turbulent and bleak from the vantage point of our little home, and on a personal level, we drastically changed our way of doing business as a family. And yet...in the middle of a year of uncertainty, I had one perfect summer with my boys, and the engine of love that we are tending together as a family continued to get stronger.

January: Winter was not kidding around this year. We weren't sure where we were going to put all the snow that just kept falling. It was tough on our cars. I dented the side of the van pulling into park on our snow-narrowed street; Josh had an accident with a snow plow on the back roads at work.
February: The pregnancy test had two lines.
March: Ellis turned eight. Alaska grandparents came to visit. Josh and I sat in a darkened room at the clinic while the ultrasound showed that a miscarriage had happened. Afterwards, we drank beer and ate walleye sandwiches at a former favorite lunch haunt of ours and grieved. We picked up the kids from school and daycare and went through the car wash. We tried to make sense of it all.
April: I took my first trip to New York City since moving from there ten years ago. It proved tremendously healing and creatively inspiring. It challenged me to commit to making big changes in my life.
May: Spring took a long time to get here. I quit my job and pulled Charlie out of daycare. We embarked on a new model for running our family.
June: The perfect summer began. My days were filled with writing, cooking, gardening, and adventures with Charlie. Charlie turned two and Nate turned seventeen. Ellis learned how to ride a bike without training wheels.
July: Charlie and Ellis and I became beach bums and farmer's market regulars. Ellis and I took a road trip to Chicago so I could attend my 20th high school reunion and reconnect with a wonderful group of old friends. My mom's dementia had worsened to the point that she couldn't recognize me when I came to her door during the visit. We picked wild black raspberries by the river.
August: I attempted to make pickles (update: epic pickle fail). Josh started brewing (way more successful than the pickles). Another pregnancy test had two lines, and we held our breath. We went camping and to the State Fair.
September: That sick hormonal feeling that I called "the blurgh" began around Labor Day. Writing, exercising, and adventures with Charlie were greatly curtailed. Despite this, I was never so happy to be nauseous and tired in my entire life. Josh took a day off from work each week to help out. The older boys went back to school. Alaska grandparents came to visit.
October: The midwife found the baby's heartbeat (go, baby, go!). I turned thirty-eight. I took Charlie trick-or-treating for the first time. He makes everything fun.
November: Josh turned forty-six. It stayed warm for a very long time and we enjoyed the extra chance to be outside. We spent a lot of time thinking about plans for aging parents. "The blurgh" subsided enough that I could cook my share of Thanksgiving dinner.
December: The baby began wiggling up a storm inside me and we got to see "Bumby" in action during our second trimester ultrasound. It seems that we used up our allotted snow fall last winter and none was left for us to have a white Christmas this year. Despite the ineffectual weather, the solstice sleepiness kicked in right on time and we enjoyed our customary lazy end to the year.

The Long Dark

2011-12-21T17:14:00.000-06:00

Winter came quietly on snowy feathers this year.
Into the cave of this long night we go,
waking tomorrow to begin the journey
to tilt closer to the sun.

Happy Solstice.

December Traditions - Indoor Activities With My Kids

2011-12-20T13:15:00.000-06:00

Some people do Advent calendars, but I prefer the construction paper chain countdown because it brings me fond memories of elementary school. Right now this activity is mostly shared between Ellis and me. We have the fun of making it (I cut the rings, he staples them and writes the dates on them) and he loves to wake up every morning in December and cut off yesterday's ring. For anticipation's sake, it helps that the chain sits on the piano below the presents that he can't wait to open. I'm looking forward to next year when Charlie's growing skills allow him to get more involved in this tradition.

This weekend, Josh remarked that some cookies are about the product and some cookies are about the process. In my opinion, there are definitely cookies that are more delicious to eat than decorated sugar cookies, but in terms of pre-holiday weekend fun for kids these are the best.

For me, making sugar cookies is also a spiritual exercise in battling my inner control freak as I let go of my anxiety about how much colored sugar and sprinkles gets poured on places other than the cookies. It helps to have two grownups on the task, and with each passing year I get rewarded for not being uptight as the kids motor skills improve. It is indeed about the process.

Sometimes the most fantastic traditions are ones you stumble upon. When Ellis was four, he went to a birthday party around the winter solstice and got some glow sticks as party favors. That year, when it hit peak darkness, we had fun playing with the colored light during the long evening.

Last year, Charlie fell in love with glow sticks sometime around Halloween and began calling them jack-o-lanterns. When the solstice rolled around, I revived the tradition of darkening the house, putting on music and creating our own light show.

This year, I made sure to pick up a pack of glow sticks during my Christmas shopping, and I eagerly anticipate enjoying them tomorrow.

December Traditions - Decorations

2011-12-19T12:31:00.000-06:00

When I started focusing on building my own family's holiday traditions, I stripped away the things that made me unhappy about the holidays as I'd previously celebrated them and instead mined the past for my favorite things. If I had to choose just one seasonal decoration for my house, paperwhite bulbs would win hands down. I had no idea about indoor bulb forcing until I met my former mother-in-law, an extraordinary gardener. While we no longer have a relationship, I am very grateful to her for teaching me ways to enjoy plants year round.

On my search for bulbs a few years ago, I discovered the beautiful compostible swags that the folks at Mother Earth Gardens in Minneapolis create. It's now a post-Thanksgiving tradition for me to stop there for each years' selection of winter plant joy. I leave my greens up on my door all winter, then toss them into the compost bin just as I'm getting ready to start my tomato and pepper plants in early spring. It makes the time when my garden is dormant much more enjoyable.

Hands down, my grandmother was my number one influence for how to do the holidays. At this time of year, I choose to remember the gift she had for making things beautiful and delicious. She was heavily influenced by her own mother-in-law and incorporated a lot of Swedish elements into the way she orchestrated the holidays. When my sister and I were little girls we'd sit on the floor by her coffee table an spin her Swedish Angel Chimes for hours on end. The chimes I have were a gift from her, and I love to light them with my own children and watch how something so simple can be so magical.

Also thanks to my sister, I have a wonderful stash of the tree ornaments my grandmother had when we were little. I love that my children can enjoy the whimsy of these mid-century treasures as much as I did.

Many years, we have only a small tree, depending on how easy it is to move things around in our small house. Instead, I tend to create a small and manageable Christmas display on top of the piano, where it can be enjoyed by little eyes, but is less likely to be disturbed by little hands. Josh refers to this as the "Christmas Shrine." It's something that is uniquely my idea, partially created out of necessity, as I've always lived in small spaces, and partially out of the way I am drawn to creating beautiful sacred spaces on a small scale. It changes a little bit every year, but is always the place for the hand-knit stockings I made the year we celebrated Charlie's first Christmas plus all the presents.

December Traditions

2011-12-16T11:34:00.000-06:00

Sometime in November every year, I always think there's no way that I'm going to do the holiday thing. I fantasize about ditching all the traditions and going away to someplace warm by the ocean. While I don't rule out that this fantasy will become reality one year, December rolls around and something almost primal kicks in and I find myself comfortably engaging in the rituals that I associate with the shortest days of the year.

The truth is, I used to hate the holidays. For much of my young adulthood, they were about family obligation and using precious vacation days to travel to places I didn't want to go. Then I got divorced and Josh and I got together and I extracted myself from the obligations and refashioned my year-end rituals to ones more conducive to joy. I held on to traditions that I loved - many of them learned from my grandmother (Sans the dramatics about how no one ever appreciated what she did. Because I did, Gram.) I added new things that were fun for all the members of the family we've created, and I scaled things to acknowledge my ursine nature as the light fades - the part of me that just wants to hibernate. My goals have been to have things be beautiful, delicious, full of love and fun, while prioritizing the need for restfulness this time of year.

Next week, as we wind our way through the Solstice and wait for Christmas, I want to catalog some of the things I do every December to make these short, cold days a little warmer and full of light. There are decorations, activities (or lack thereof), yummy things to eat and drink, and gifts that we give each other. As I post, feel free to share some of your favorite things, too. I always appreciate inspiration from my friends.

Life With Charlie

2011-12-09T11:06:00.000-06:00

Luigi went missing for a few days. While he was gone Charlie accidentally broke off one of Mario's arms. When Mario and Luigi were reunited, this is the conversation Charlie made them have:

"Hi, Luigi."
"Hi, Mario. What happened to your arm?"
"It fell off."
"Oh."

Charlie to Mama: "This is a picture of when you, me, and Ellis became babies. We went inside this guy's tummy and made him sick!"

Circle of Excellence

2011-12-02T10:32:00.000-06:00

A couple of summers ago, Ellis brought home a bunch of cast-off corporate awards and trophies for a project he did at Leonardo's Basement. I got rid of most of the trophies, but kept the one pictured above because the "Circle of Excellence," is just, well, excellent. Earlier this week while doing some cleaning, I came across this very special award again and thought that it would come in handy for something.

Ellis has been struggling to memorize his multiplication facts for the past couple of months. He hated it so much that he would "forget" to bring home his homework and try to avoid doing practice drills whenever possible. I tried apps on my phone and math gaming sites online to try to entice him, but the most effective strategy was simply spending half an hour one-on-one with him everyday. I would use a combination of no-nonsense drills and talking about different patterns and tricks for remembering (especially those dreaded 7's an 8's). I'm most proud of teaching him tricks for remembering the 12's. Ellis rocks the 12's.

With all his hard work to master something that did not come easy for him and struggling against all the negative feelings that can cause, I decided to award Ellis the Circle of Excellence on Wednesday. It was silly, but it was awesome, and I think the Circle of Excellence will make repeat appearances in our family along the way. Josh and I are also tempted to make use of one of our neighborhood businesses to get some custom trophies for the kids related to their struggles and achievements to develop and grow as people. It's a win-win: support a University Avenue business during Light Rail construction and let the boys know that we recognize how hard they work at the challenging task of growing up. (Plus they'll have tangible proof of how crazy their parents are.)

Digging Out (and Managing Expectations)

2011-11-28T13:36:00.000-06:00

Somewhere around Labor Day when I started feeling what I called the daily blurgh of pregnancy, I let a lot of housework go. With the help of other family members (especially my heroic husband) the dishes and laundry were washed, the bathroom got cleaned, and we still ate most of our meals at home, but the rest of the house fell into a state of epic disrepair. At first, it didn't bother me so much. I counted out weeks on my calendar based on my previous pregnancies and figured I'd feel better by my birthday and would pick things up again. Then my birthday came and went and while I felt "better," I didn't feel BETTER. No real second trimester perk up came and daily gagging and mega-fatigue remained my constant companions. "Holy crap," I thought, "Am I going to feel like this the whole time?"

Then I got sick and was congested, and as if it were possible, more tired for weeks. Then it started getting dark at 5:00 p.m. Then it started to seem like everything happening in the world was very very bad. November has been a confluence of suck. "Well, at least it's temporary," I thought. And then I thought, "I'm just going to go lie down." My dreams of heading back to my regular workout schedule and tidying up the house dissolved in the gray sludge of my mood, which now matched my physical condition in extreme blurghiness.

I'm digging out now, though. The key has been to acknowledge that it's not an all or nothing proposition. I don't have to be my normal crazily active self or lie in a big lump. Some days I can only do one thing. Some days I feel great and can do lots of things, and then the next day I have to sleep for 12 hours to make up for it. The holidays have spurred me on a bit. Thanksgiving was easy. Since it was only us, it came down to cooking and clearing off the dining room table. Christmas presents more of a challenge. Charlie has begun talking about Christmas trees, and it's going to take a bunch of good days for house cleaning to make room for that. The thing is, I'm starting to have a vision for how it's going to happen, on a manageable scale, with lots of room for naps and feeling baby kicks growing stronger inside. There will be happy children (and happy parents) in our house this December.

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-24T18:16:00.000-06:00

In our house, it's all about the pie. The little boys humor me by eating paltry portions of all the other food I make and hope the rest of us hurry up eating so they can just have their pie already. Three years ago, I started making sweet potato pie for Thanksgiving and became the hero of our household. The rest of the meal is really for Josh and me, and we enjoy the process of cooking it together as much as eating it.

This year, I am thankful that the food aversions and nausea have dissipated enough that I could enjoy my day in the kitchen. I am also thankful (and I know Josh is, too) for our first Thanksgiving with a dishwasher - yes, that's us on the couch watching a movie instead of standing at the sink cleaning up.

I am also thankful for the opportunities life presents to continue learning things. My mother has dementia, and when I talked to her on the phone today for the five minutes of conversation she can handle, I realized how much I miss talking to her on the phone. Our conversations weren't always great, but there was a time we talked every week, and being able to share things about my life with her meant more to me than I ever realized at the time. I am grateful to understand that I don't ever want to miss things that are good just because they contain aspects that are painful, too. I want to be able to feel sad or angry without having to cede the things that are precious to me in complex relationships.

Decisions

2011-11-15T12:54:00.000-06:00

Our second trimester ultrasound is just weeks away and Josh and I were trying to decide whether we wanted to find out the sex of the baby or not. I found out ahead of time with both Ellis and Charlie and liked knowing, but since this is the last time I'm doing this, I thought it might be fun to have a delivery-room surprise to see what that's like. It's outside my comfort level as a super-planner and I like that.

My only worry was that while we had identified a fantastic girl name that we love, we were really stumped trying to come up with a similar caliber boy name. I can tell you the well runs a little dry on male names when you've already named three boys. What if our fourth son arrived in the delivery room and we were forced to settle on some mediocre name? "Sorry, kid, we just ran out of steam."

Josh and I decided that if we couldn't come up with a boy name that we loved as well as the girl name we've chosen before our ultrasound at the beginning of December, we would find out the baby's sex. That way, if the babe's a girl, we could relax, and if he's a boy, we'd have five months to buckle down and choose a great name for him.

I'm pleased to say, the pressure worked. This week, we found our baby boy name (and no, I'm not sharing either of our choices). The problem is solved and I will get to have the additional delight of discovering whether our last child is a son or daughter when he or she first arrives in the world. Of course, now I have the problem that I love both names so much, that I'm a little sad that we'll only be able to use one of them. I keep crossing my fingers for there being boy and girl twins growing in there. Josh keeps teasing me that we can just use the other name for our next baby when I forget how sick I was during pregnancy and my legendary baby lust has me begging for "just one more." Not going to happen, though, I swear. This is the last time.

Outside November

2011-11-14T09:17:00.000-06:00

The mild weather continued all weekend. We headed to Harriet Island so the boys could run around at the playground and I could take some photos. Every chance we get to be outside deep into fall feels like another opportunity to store up for the winter. It keeps my spirits high as the light fades to be close to the river and commune with the likes of paper birches.

Long Weekend

2011-11-12T11:16:00.000-06:00

Extra time off is good for climbing trees and throwing rocks into the Mississippi near Hidden Falls. Autumn has faded into the pale chalky tones of November. The mild temperatures call us outside into the thinning light. Ellis says, "I wish this were our backyard." I think, "Close enough."

Seasons on the Block

2011-10-31T21:06:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, some of our neighbors had a Halloween party for the kids on our block. With winter just around the corner, I realized that we're about the enter the four or five month period where we just don't see our neighbors that much, except for the times we have to dig out our street together to move cars for a snow emergency. When we resurface again in April, the kids will all be bigger and the adults (and our houses) will seem a little more worn around the edges. This the yearly rhythm on our block. After a couple of nights of raucous candy gorging, we are about to slide into the quiet time.

Why Is It Funny? I Don't Know. It Just Is.

2011-10-30T22:23:00.000-05:00

In my first job out of college, I worked for a large corporation. The work wasn't particularly exciting, but I had a lot of fun because I shared a workspace in the cube farm with three other twenty-somethings who were just as misfit for corporate work as I was. We made each other laugh a lot, often by inventing silly games. One of my favorite games we played was called "Names That Are Verbs."

The rules were simple: shout out any name that you could think of that was also a verb. Of course there were the obvious ones: Rob, Pat, or Sue for example. Because it was an oral game, the homophones were particularly delicious: Phil, Wayne, Carrie, and (one of my all time favorites) Russell. I also loved Bea, the only intransitive verb, lovely in its existential simplicity.

I hadn't thought about that game for a while until recently during our explorations for names for our current baby-to-be. I had the magnificent delight of discovering a new one: Neil.

I still giggle when I think about it.

Birthdays and Half Birthdays

2011-10-25T13:50:00.000-05:00

I spent the morning of the day after my birthday listening to the heartbeat of the baby that's growing inside me. If all goes as expected, we'll welcome our sixth family member somewhere around my half birthday at the end of April.

I'm happy to be firmly planted in the second trimester now. The first one was a little rough and I didn't feel much like going on adventures or writing or taking pictures or pretty much anything besides lying down to calm the seasickness and fatigue. Charlie was very patient, especially when Mama would randomly fall asleep during the day. He's also been a really fun side kick to take to prenatal visits. He's got some very cool ideas about what exactly the baby is doing in my belly right now. I think that he's going to be a natural at being a big brother just like our other two seasoned big brothers.

I like 38

2011-10-24T14:35:00.000-05:00

I've been looking forward to this birthday. There's just this feeling I've had that this is going to be a good age for me. I like being young enough that my body still mostly does all the things I want it to do and old enough that it's not all about my body (or face, or hair) any more. I can't say that I've achieved any sort of perfect zen-style enlightenment, but what I have developed is a cool, calm governing voice (the inner wise woman) that counters my swirling emotions with a level head and a great deal of compassion. I like that woman. She helps me like me, and she helps me like others.

I can't say I have a bunch of goals for this year or this time of my life. Mostly I'm just grateful for the way every day seems so rich, especially the ordinary ones. I'm savoring the place that I'm in right now and know things will change when it's time for them to change. It's funny how as you age and have less time, the less of a hurry it all seems.

Experts

2011-10-14T12:44:00.000-05:00

I find that when I am seeking answers from the back catalogs of human wisdom I tend to consult artists rather than "experts." The priests of religion and the priests of science, the pundits and self-help gurus forget that their task is to construct useful paradigms to describe the indescribable. They practice idolatry when they mistake their frameworks and tools as ultimate reality itself. Artists have the good sense to merely point to the thing - "Look at that!" Artists remind me, when I am lost, that living my life is how I'm supposed to find the way. When the world has knocked off the glasses from my myopic eyes, the best way to achieve clarity is to take a few steps closer to what I want to see.

Butterfly Weed Seed Pod

2011-10-11T15:12:00.000-05:00

While playing ball outside with Charlie yesterday, I noticed a stage in the life cycle of my butterfly weed that I'd never seen before. Once again, I am grateful to live in a neighborhood that doesn't mind the fact that I care way less about landscaping than I do about the amazing canvas of plant biology that is happening in my yard.

Seven

2011-10-06T12:47:00.001-05:00

"It isn't until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems - the ones that make you truly who you are - that you're ready to find a life-long mate. Only then do you know what you're looking for. You're looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person - someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, 'This is the problem I want to have."

Andrew Boyd, Daily Afflictions

"True love is not the kind of thing you should turn down.

Don't ever turn it down."

The Avett Brothers, "January Wedding"

I have to be careful in the fall. Transformative stuff can happen in my life when the leaves begin to turn red because sometimes the universe has things in mind for me. Maybe it's because I was born in the fall, or because I'm so sensitive to the decline of the light, or because it's a natural time of transition. I don't know, but I have spent a lot of autumns in extreme emotional turmoil, extreme passion, or both. The three most significant romantic relationships that I have had in my life all began in the fall.

Seven years ago this October, I was stuck in a crappy job and an increasingly unhappy marriage. I hadn't had a full night's sleep in at least eighteen months. It was warm that year, like this October, and the trees were amazingly vivid during one sunny day after another. To me it felt like the sky had opened up and like the ocean of my unconscious was roaring to the surface. I'd blame it on the sleep deprivation, if it weren't for the fact that it happened to him, too.

Sometimes when you think everything is lost, you get a little help to see things differently. Sometimes you realize that the person that has been the best friend you've ever had isn't so far out of reach, and it's pretty likely that you were meant to save each other. Sometimes you're standing on a street corner with him and he says, "I want you to come with me," and you realize that you don't know where you're going, but there's no way in hell you're turning down that invitation.

Seven years later, I'm even surer that we made the right decision.

More Charliespeak

2011-10-05T14:44:00.000-05:00

photo

Blanquies

photo

Snamich

Quarters

What do birds eat?
Worms.
What do Charlies eat?
Inside food that is not for animals.

In the Autumn Garden

2011-10-04T12:45:00.000-05:00

I've enjoyed watching the life cycle of the flowers in my garden this year. Right now most of them are brown or golden with dried hard seed heads. I'm trying to decide whether to cut some of them down later this month or leave them alone for what the gardening books like to call "winter interest." I imagine because I'm a big fan of just letting the plants, especially the natives, do their thing (which is not exactly the same as being a lazy gardener) that there will be a lot of interest out in the yard this winter.

The way things are going this month, I think I will go through yet another year without realizing my goal of planting some spring bulbs. It always seems like such a great idea when I'm at the height of planting fever in May and June. Then September and October roll around, the kids go back to school, we all get sick, the hard frost comes, and the next thing you know, it's bulb planting fail.

The good thing about gardening is that there's always next year.

Asters

2011-10-03T09:48:00.000-05:00

Thank you, asters, for being blue
When the rest of the world is dead set on being orange.
Here's to non-conformists everywhere.

Activity

2011-09-27T10:12:00.000-05:00

Last week, Ellis's school held an activity fair, where students could learn about all the different clubs and activities they could participate in. It was like a candy store for Ellis full of interesting things he could do: chess club, Lego league, cub scouts, and Suzuki violin. Now I'm sitting here with a stack of informative handouts trying to figure out if we can reasonably do all of these things in addition to Aikido, piano lessons, and track in the spring. He can certainly do some, but maybe not all. What do I know? I have always been one of those people that enthusiastically bites off more than I can chew.

As a general rule with the kids the activities they've engaged in have been based on their interests. As Ellis gets older, that rule becomes more complicated. Should we limit the number of things he can do at one time? Should I try to help him have balance in the things he picks (e.g., so far he hasn't been much of a sports guy)? Should I encourage him to put more effort into some things to really excel when he seems content to just participate?

Aikido of Minnesota

I don't have an example from my own childhood to help me sort this out. As a kid, I was on my own to figure out what I wanted to do. My parents drove me to practices and attended performances, but I think they would have preferred me to have a more sedate schedule. A less self-directed kid than I would probably have languished in this environment. With Ellis, these decisions are also complicated by the shared custody arrangement and the land-mined terrain of my relationship with his father.

I suppose it helps to remember that this is Ellis's life and that I am here to support him and guide him in the direction he wants to go (as long as it's a healthy one). Up to this point, he's shown good judgment in creating balance for himself.

Ellis (with great sense of humor) boos himself at a track meet. Photo by Paul Feng.

Perfect Song: First Day of Autumn Version

2011-09-23T10:12:00.000-05:00

Do you categorize the music you listen to on a seasonal basis? I find that I have strong seasonal associations with certain songs and genres. Sometimes it's based on the content of the song or the general feeling of the music. Other times it's based on the memory associations I have from the first time I listened to a song.

I remember listening to Led Zeppelin in high school in the first months of the school year - staying after school for the theater or speech team when it started to get dark early, going to football games, dreaming about what my perfect school year would be like, writing feverishly in spiral notebooks while listening to my stereo late into the night. Now every fall, I play "Ramble On" (in my opinion, their best song) and it makes me feel positive about those cozy cool long evenings.

Perfect Song: Alt Rock Nostalgia Version

2011-09-22T09:16:00.001-05:00

"Here Comes Your Man" - Pixies

One notable observation from my high school reunion is that popular music generally sucked while we were in high school. Since we graduated in 1991, "The Year that Punk Broke," we were already enrolled in college by the time Nirvana and the other great alternative rock bands created their sea change. Nope. For those of us who found the Top 40 crap being churned out during our secondary education there were essentially two choices: R.E.M. (hats off to you) or classic rock. I spent most of high school doing an independent study on the history of rock music and finally pulled myself out of the sixties and seventies in college.

While we were listening to the crappy d.j. at our reunion social event, a friend posed the question: "Pixies were around. Why didn't we listen to them?" I don't have an answer to that except perhaps to note that Chicago's south suburbs have their own insular quality. My husband, who is older than me used his chronological advantage to amass a great vinyl collection and was tuned into this stuff while I was still wearing mall bangs. I have the benefit, then, to rewrite my music-listening history and make myself cooler.

Please enjoy the song that Charlie now refers to as "Here Comes Old Man." I think that's a homage to his father (if he gets to be cooler, I at least get to enjoy being younger).

Drawing

2011-09-21T09:56:00.000-05:00

Charlie has become very interested in drawing and writing. He's getting good at writing some letters, but I love his drawings of people the most. I think they look like the drawings of Shel Silverstein. I'm excited to see Charlie reach this stage. Ellis has been a prolific drawer and I was hoping it would be the same with Charlie. I think it helps to have lots of paper and drawing tools around. For a while it was tricky because Charlie liked to write on the walls, furniture and windows if you didn't watch him like a hawk. He seems to have gotten over that (mostly), moving onto other ways to wreck our property.

One of my favorite drawing tools for kids is the Fisher-Price Doodle Pro. It's a magnetic board that you draw on with a metal pen and metal stampers. They can do drawing after drawing with no mess and then erase quickly and start over. It's also great for traveling. I make sure to have my camera close by to capture the real masterpieces in a more permanent way.

Kids With Teeth by Charlie McCabe

Farm Fantasies

2011-09-19T12:41:00.000-05:00

Judging by the growing backyard chicken trend and the increasing number of urban gardeners, I know I'm not the only city slicker with serious farm fantasies. Mine started somewhere in college driving through the rural areas of Illinois and Indiana and admiring the desolate beauty of old farm houses and the solitude they symbolized. Later as I thought about starting a family, the dream of spending time working together with the ones I love the most on our shared livelihood appealed far more than the "meet at the end of the day when everyone is spent" reality of nine-to-five jobs.

There are many things I love about my urban life and for at least a long while we're committed to St. Paul, but someday, oh maybe, someday there's a plot of land out there with our name on it. In the meantime, here are some of the ways I've been indulging my farm fantasies lately:

Blog:SouleMama. This family of seven finally made good on their farm fantasy in the last year.

Movie: Sweet Land. If you haven't seen this cinematically beautiful and quiet movie about a German mail order bride and the Norwegian farmer she comes to live with in Minnesota just after World War I, it's an immediate must rent.

Children's Books: (Nothing wrong with indoctrinating your children into your fantasies.) We're currently reading aloud all the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder as a family in the evenings. Right now we're on Farmer Boy about Almanzo Wilder's childhood on a New York farmstead. In the picture book category, I also love Ox-Cart Man by Donald Hall.

Grown-Up Books: I just finished reading Coop by Michael Perry about his family's first year on their Northern Wisconsin farm. I also read This Life is in Your Hands by Melissa Coleman, which is her story of growing up with her back-to-the-land parents in rural Maine in the seventies.

Places: Dodge Nature Center has a lovely little farm with chickens, goats, mules, pigs, and sheep. The Gibbs Museum of Pioneer and Dakotah Life is kind of like a living version of the little House books. There's also the family farm at the Minnesota Zoo, which is open during the part of the year while the weather is nice. I'm still trying to push Josh into lobbying for "free baby goat" to be one of the benefits given to zoo employees and their families.

Oh, That Light!

2011-09-15T14:08:00.000-05:00

Run on the beach while you can under the bright blue sky.

Enjoy the last of the green as it turns to yellow before next month sets it ablaze.

The sun washes everything in the glorious light of its shortening rays.

There is still plenty of time.

Don't waste it by looking too far ahead.

Non-Committal

2011-09-14T14:02:00.000-05:00

Tomatoes or Squash?

You never know what you're going to get with September. This week started out with the wading pool and here we are at midweek harvesting all the ripe tomatoes in the garden so they don't get wrecked when it drops into the thirties tonight.

The transition to fall doesn't happen all at once. I switch from sandals to shoes, but refuse to take the plunge into wearing socks. Bike riding is still preferable to the Y, but if you miss the window before the light starts to fade, evening comes fast and it's the treadmill for you. Some neighbors one street over have a makeshift pumpkin patch on their lawn, but I know that pumpkins purchased before mid-October end up more scary from mold than from carving by Halloween time.

I've committed to fall in the sense that I know there's no turning back now. I'm ready for summer to be done and to pack away the light and airy members of my wardrobe. I appreciate the time between air conditioning and heat, and not just for the reduced energy bills. Our minds tend to want to classify things into hard and fast categories. We want things to be one thing or another. Liminal times like September can be a good exercise in acknowledging the necessary existence of ambiguity.

Lessons from Summer: Simple Things Can Be Special

2011-09-13T09:57:00.000-05:00

Tri-Color Wax

I feel bad for parents with kids that are scared of the car wash. A quick trip through in the van is seven bucks worth of pure kid-friendly fun for Ellis and Charlie. I found a fancy one near by that has a digital sign that tells you where you are in the cycle. Ellis likes to read the sign out loud so we can all anticipate what will happen to our vehicle next (our favorite is the tri-color wax that splats out on the windshield in blue, yellow, and pink).

We are lucky to live in a community where there are lots of things to do, and we definitely take advantage of them as a family. Nevertheless, my favorite thing of all is to stumble upon something that fits into our everyday life that is something to relish as much as any special event or occasion. I hope that when they are grown, the boys will continue to be able to approach the mundane with pure delight.

One More Time For Good Measure

2011-09-12T12:05:00.000-05:00

If the forecast is correct, the fall cool down is headed our way this week. Not today, though. It's warm and bright. I thought I'd give my bathing-suit-loving boy one more crack at the wading pool to bid adieu to one of his favorite summer activities. Soon we'll develop a new repertoire of go-to activities for fall. I wonder what will be his favorites of the new season.

Sneaky September

2011-09-09T14:05:00.000-05:00

Can I admit that first weeks of September kick my butt every year? It's sneaky. The weather is mostly summery, but all of a sudden we have to develop a whole new routine once the school year starts. Perhaps if I could get the universe to agree to make it chilly, dark and rainy for this couple of weeks, it would be easier. I have a hard time taking things seriously in short sleeves and bare legs.

I'm just about to pick Ellis up from the last day of his first week at his new school. He's been positive and upbeat and it seems like we made a good choice. It's also been a little easier to get Nate up and on the school bus on time this year (fingers crossed for more adult brain chemistry settling in this year!). Nevertheless, my easy, lazy mornings are over for the next nine months and apparently our languid evenings as well. We've had appointments, meetings, and visitors every night this week.

I am ready to have me some weekend, everybody!

Lessons from Summer: The Most Important Commitments are the Ones You Make to Yourself

2011-09-08T10:29:00.000-05:00

I have been working out at the local branch of the YMCA for almost two years. When I started, I made a commitment to myself that I would go at least four times a week. With the exception of a few times when I've been ill or had to travel, I've followed through on that commitment. Part of why the commitment has worked is that I was realistic when I set the parameters. If I had promised that I would go everyday, I would have failed too frequently and that would have caused me to give up after a while. With my system, any day I go past four is like extra credit and encourages me to keep going. I also know that if I don't have built in breaks to any activity I do, no matter how much I love it, it will begin to feel oppressive and I will rebel. When attempting to play psychological games with yourself, it's a good thing to be well-acquainted with your own nature.

This summer, I became unhooked from any external schedule. After years of living a highly-scheduled life, it was a relief, but also a little scary. What would our day to day life look like? I needed to create some structure, but I also wanted to respect the fact that an important part of this experience was to be able to surf a little bit. Routine can be helpful, but it can also be a numbing agent that insulates you from having to inhabit your life.

There were some routines based on childcare that were naturally present, although I became a lot more mellow about many of those, too, as an easing of our regimented life. There were also some routines we stumbled upon, like the Tuesday Farmer's Market, that were so pleasant they hardly counted as routines. What became the defining routine of the summer for me, though, was a commitment I made to myself about writing on a daily basis. Upon leaving my job, I knew I wanted to focus on writing, but I also didn't want to focus on a specific product. Instead, I wanted to focus on the process of writing. I committed to myself that I would write three-pages of long-hand in my spiral notebook every week day. It was my modified version of Julia Cameron's morning pages from The Artist's Way. I didn't always write them in the morning, and I took the weekends off, but write them I did. I also committed to writing daily blog posts - again with the rule of weekends off, and occasionally allowing myself to skip a day so as not to foment rebellion (know thyself).

These two writing commitments have been the guiding force in my life. The "morning pages" have primed the pump for deeper creative energies and have served as a psychological workshop for me. The blog created the structure and public accountability that all artists need. I have been fiercely protective of my writing time. My children are used to me saying, "Not until I finish my writing." They respect it and it's good for them to understand that I have important things to do that have nothing to do with taking care of their needs. I look forward to my writing time just like my time at the YMCA (even though I struggle at times to honor both commitments). This is the basic maintenance in the care and feeding of me that gives me the energy to accomplish all other endeavors. No matter what else I commit to, I am always my primary and most important client.

Lessons from Summer: Familiarity Can Also Breed Affection

2011-09-07T09:11:00.001-05:00

Nine summers ago, I was pregnant for the first time, sick as a dog, and struggling to show up at my full-time job everyday. When Ellis was born the following March, I had six weeks off before I had to return to work for what was the beginning of years of working outside jobs while being a mama. With Charlie, it was a little better - three months maternity leave, a good year where I only worked three days a week. Sometimes I got a great deal of satisfaction out of my work, sometimes I definitely did not, but I can honestly say that I never felt like I had enough time with my kids.

This summer, it has been a gift to just put in a lot of time with the boys. Sometimes they drove me nuts (especially the tired old sibling rivalry routine), but mostly I just liked being around them without the clock ticking or being en route to some scheduled activity. What I wanted was just a short period of time where the outside world had very little influence on my relationship with my children. I wanted us to have some breathing space to get to know each other in a way that only comes from spending most of the day everyday together.

I am grateful for the simple ability to just be here.

Hello Fall/Lessons from Summer

2011-09-06T16:07:00.000-05:00

The older boys started school today, our neighborhood has a post-State Fair quiet to it, and grandma and grandpa arrive from Alaska tomorrow. It must be the start of fall. My hope for this September is that it will be better than the last two years when exposure to the new germs from all our school friends made each of us successively ill for the entire month.

I'm pleased with the cooler weather and the promise that the change of seasons brings, but also a little sad to see this summer go. Summer 2011 was the best I've had in a long time. Over the next few days, I'd like to share some of the lessons I've taken from my "summer off" hanging out with the kids. The reason for this is found in the first lesson: Reflection is as important as action. We did a lot of fun things this summer, but what I've appreciated most is the quiet time to think and to find the meaning in the things that we do on a daily basis. The time to reflect has made me continually conscious of the abundance of our life together as a family.

School Supplies

2011-09-02T12:19:00.000-05:00

When we were little girls, my sister and I couldn't wait to go shopping for school supplies. There was so much potential for creativity in a fresh spiral notebook and a perfect unbroken colorful pack of crayons. I love going school supply shopping with Ellis, although, for at least the first grades of school here, the supplies are purchased to be put into the classroom supply that all kids use, so there isn't as much room to become attached to individual items. I understand the logic behind it with little kids, but at the same time, it's not quite as fun.

Since I've carried my love of school supplies into adulthood, I enjoy the time of year when the basics are so cheap. It's an opportunity to stock up on more thoughtful and reflective tools as we prepare to spend more time indoors for the colder months. One thing I do is buy extra supplies to use at home. For the past two days, Ellis and Charlie have been doodling in notebooks with markers and crayons and sharing their creations. This will be a great activity all fall and winter.

I also always buy some supplies for myself. Who can resist one cent spiral notebooks? Having tried fancy journals and Moleskines, I tend to always fall back on this cheap, tried and true basic that I've been using for my musings since I was in grade school. I save my more fancy instincts for choosing the perfect pen. This particular pen is still my favorite.

My friend Val, with whom I spent a lot of time in our college bookstore identifying really great pens, sent me a link this morning to this post at Mighty Girl highlighting school supplies for grownups. It made this bookish girl swoon with excitement for having the right tools for the introspective months to come.

Perfect Song - End of Summer Version

2011-08-31T09:15:00.000-05:00

We listened to Nick Drake's "Northern Sky" when we were driving back from our camping trip last week. This time of year, the light is at such an angle that the sky seems so big, especially in western Minnesota over the broad expanse of the prairie. I think this is my favorite Nick Drake song. It swells like your heart when you fall in love. Listen especially for the piano, which adds a beautiful complicated jazz layer that draws you even deeper into the song.

Wild Life

2011-08-30T09:22:00.000-05:00

It seems like every time I log on to Facebook these days, one of my friends has a story about bat invasion. Seriously, what's up with the bats this late summer? We had our own bat experience a couple of weeks ago when we heard rustling in our house in the middle of the night. Josh and I woke suddenly and both had the same thoughts: "Crap. The mice are back," and "Has that two-year exterminator warranty run out yet?" Then the noise seemed to stop and we hoped that whatever critter that had gotten in had found it's way out. We drifted back to sleep.

I woke startled by Josh's shout. It was wishful thinking that the creature left. Josh had felt it sniffing around his arm on the bed. When we turned on the lights, it had disappeared again into the night leaving a trail of dust bunnies from where it had been hiding under the bed after Josh yelled. Josh went down into the basement to check on the mead, fearing some sort of varmint infestation. I made fun of him that this was proof that the mead was his new true love. We slept uneasily for the rest of the night. There was no sign of any critters the next day.

Two days after our sleepless night, I was cleaning up the kitchen, unloading the dishwasher and starting a new load of dirty dishes. As I reached for some bowls to rinse off, I saw this:

Now, I am not a squeamish person, but I yelled pretty loud encountering some wet furry thing that looked like it had no head perched on our cereal bowls. I called Josh at work who talked me through the process of covering it with a strainer and carrying the bat and bowls into the back yard. The poor thing was so scared it didn't move at all, which was lucky for me because I think I would have had a heart attack. Josh had his turn making fun of me, until I emailed him the picture of what I was greeted with in the morning and he agreed it was pretty creepy.

Summer Reading Re-Cap

2011-08-29T09:05:00.001-05:00

photo

It's been a great reading summer. For the first time in years, instead of having a clear idea of what I wanted to read, I've enjoyed perusing the shelves on weekly visits to the library and picking up books that look interesting. I love that the Biography/Memoir section is closest to the children's section in our library branch so I can dig around in my favorite genre while still being able to keep an eye on the boys.

Three books stood out as my favorites this summer. Two of them are memoirs from local authors. The third falls in the "self-help" category. I stumbled upon all of them:

1. The Latehomecomer: A Hmong Family Memoir by Kao Kalia Yang. An exceptionally beautiful story about the author's family's escape from Laos, time in refugee camps in Thailand, and eventual immigration to St. Paul, MN. The family triumphs through tremendous hardship by remaining committed to each other. The author's relationship with her grandmother is especially touching. The overall message is that family is a resource not a burden. This is perhaps the most emotionally engrossing memoir I have ever read (and I've read a lot).

2. The Barn at the End of the World: The Apprenticeship of a Quaker, Buddhist Shepherd by Mary Rose O'Reilley. Another St. Paulite, the author builds a spiritual practice out of an apprenticeship learning to care for sheep at the agriculture school at the University of Minnesota. The book chronicles in detail the mindfulness that comes out of dealing with the bodily realities of livestock and juxtaposes it with her experience on a Buddhist retreat in France with Thich Nhat Hanh. O'Reilley's spirituality is planted firmly in the world, and I appreciate the way she struggles with her own surliness and frustration with trying to get along with other people.

3. Refuse to Choose!: A Revolutionary Program for Doing Everything that You Love by Barbara Sher. A self-help book is most effective when it is asset-based and gives a name to a common phenomenon. Sher's book does both. She identifies the fact that while our culture values specialists as the most successful people, there is a whole group of creative people who pursue a wide variety of interests, activities, and careers who are successful in a non-traditional way. She calls these folks scanners and shows there is tremendous value (on a Leonardo DaVinci level) in their more prolific approach to their lives. As an incorrigible scanner, I appreciate Sher's validation of my myriad projects (even the ones I've started and never gone back to.) My favorite quote is "the worst thing you can say about a scanner is that they finish things before other people think they should."

What were your favorite reads this summer?

The Great Minnesota Get Together

2011-08-25T15:08:00.001-05:00

I admit it. I used to be a Minnesota State Fair hater. It's hard to ignore how much the event messes up traffic in our neighborhood. However, I started taking the kids a couple of years ago and I can now say I get it. I love the Fair. I have figured out a system that ensures that both the kids and I enjoy ourselves without burning out or breaking the bank.

First, we always go on a weekday early in the day. It's way less crowded and everyone in the family is freshest in the morning. I set a specific budget and bring that in cash. When the money is gone, we go home, which is usually around the time it starts to get more crowded and the kids are tired of walking. It's a win-win. We make sure our favorite things take priority for how we spend our money, we share treats, and take advantage of the Culligan stand with its free water instead of buying pricey drinks. We're lucky that we can take the city bus from our house to the fair so parking is never an issue (plus the bus ride is added fun!)

Here are some of our State Fair favorites:

Rides on the Kidway. This year Charlie was big enough to go on the rides with Ellis. It's going to be a big deal when we graduate from the Kidway to the Mighty Midway.

Robot Demos in the Education Building. This was a new activity this year. My friend Amy turned me onto this and Ellis just loved watching high school kids compete with robots they created. I need to figure out how to get Ellis more involved with Minnesota FIRST Robotics Competition. It's right up his alley.

The Skyride, which gives a great view of the whole fair and plops you down right by Sweet Martha's Cookie Jar.
And speaking of food:

You are not officially at the Fair until you eat your first deep-fried cheese curd.

The boys share one Hawaiian Shaved Ice very nicely. It's not my favorite, but they sure love it and it keeps them hydrated.

Cookies and Milk from Sweet Martha's (always the take home bucket size so we can have a little reminder of our fun day when we get home later). I ration them, and after cookies, I always make the boys burn off the sugar by walking back through the Fair to our bus stop so there are no sugar beast meltdowns.

It's worth it to see their chocolate-smeared happy faces.

Hairy Dilemma

2011-08-24T12:12:00.000-05:00

I just took the boys for haircuts. As a general rule, I cut their hair short every six months or so and then let it grow out until they look pretty shaggy. I take them to Kids' Hair, which is a bit pricey, but worth the money because the boys actually enjoy going to get their hair cut. They get to watch a video in the chair, there's plenty of toys while you wait, and they get suckers and stickers at the end.

It's a relief to be so low-maintenance about the boys' hair. I've had a life-long battle with my own hair to get it to look the way I want. I have a great stylist, but I shell out big bucks for it every two months, plus all the goop I put in my hair. Josh has tended to be more like the boys, getting shorn periodically at the cheapest possible price and letting it grow until it begins to bother him. I admit that I haven't always been positive about his haircuts, hating those first super short days, but getting used to it as it grows out. Finally last year, he began to let his hair grow because I tend to be a fan of long-haired men. Now it's super long and almost always back in a pony tail (I would kill to have that gorgeous blond mane, but that's another story).

He's growing tired of his long hair. Fair enough. It's pretty long. He asked me what he should do and I suggested that he get his hair cut like another bearded super-hottie, Ray LaMontagne:

Photo

The problem? He's never actually gone into a salon and asked for a specific haircut and doesn't know where to go. Also, he will then have to get his hair cut on a regular basis and the maintenance just seems like too much work. I told him that, if that's the case, he should just take advantage of the fact that nobody really cares what a guy's hair looks like and go back to his old cut, grow, cut strategy. Somehow that's not satisfying either (perhaps because I don't ever like how his hair looks when it's first cut?). Is there some solution that we're missing here?

Tick Tock

2011-08-23T08:44:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Amanda at SouleMama posted her "Summer's-Almost-Over List." Here at the tail end of August, I find myself making the same list. The kids start school two weeks from today, the State Fair starts Thursday, and I just received the email with the Alaska grandparents' itinerary for their annual autumn visit. "Not so fast!" says I.

Here's my list of things I want to do in the next two weeks to squeeze the most out of these last carefree days:

Go on a day trip to the North Shore of Lake Superior.
Take the kids to the State Fair.
Make pickles with some of our huge crop of carrots.
Have a front porch camp out with Ellis.
Have at least one more beach day.
Visit Papa at the Zoo.
Enjoy the last days of super slow mornings.

There may be some chores that need to be neglected in order to accomplish all this good living, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

Camping Adventure

2011-08-22T09:41:00.000-05:00

Friday we drove west through small towns out into the prairie to Glacial Lakes State Park for a one-night, low-key family camping trip.

Did you know that many Minnesota state parks have camper cabins that you can rent for just $50 a night?

They are lovely wooden cabins that sleep up to six people in bunk beds.

Since this was our first attempt at camping with the boys, we had a very mellow itinerary. We did a little swimming in the lake, some short walks, and cooked food over the fire. Next time, it will be tempting to rent a canoe to paddle around the lovely pristine lake.

It rained most of the evening, but we didn't mind. We were cozy in our cabin. Papa played guitar and harmonica. I read aloud chapters of Little House on the Prairie. Before going to sleep, we sat in the dark on the screen porch listening to the rain fall.

The best trips are always the simplest ones. Charlie said, "Can we do this adventure all the time?"

On the Bank of the Mighty Mississippi

2011-08-19T09:55:00.001-05:00

It seems the weather gets better with each passing day. We take every chance we get to be outside. Yesterday, we headed to Crosby Park and our favorite stretch of the Mississippi River shoreline. You know it's a good place when Charlie takes his shoes off to spin, climb and run around barefoot. It was gloriously muddy. Ellis took a stick and drew pi over and over in the sand. I sat on a log watching the sun-sparkled water flow by and marveling at the gnarled exposed roots of old trees. We lingered and then took the path deeper into the woods, Ellis on his bike riding ahead and me walking with the still barefoot Charlie and the sticks, rocks and mud balls he collected along the way.

There's something about that river and those primordial-like woods that makes me feel connected in history to every moment that preceded us in that space. Our story is part of the great fabric of stories of people drawn to the power of the Father of Waters.

The Highest Use of Scavenged Black Raspberries

2011-08-18T09:14:00.000-05:00

Not to be outdone by all my pickling, Josh has found his own way to store up the good things of summer. All the wild black raspberries that were picked back in July are being put to use for tasty adult beverages to enjoy throughout the winter. Josh started making mead with friends last year and decided to branch out on his own this summer with supplies from Northern Brewer Homebrew Supply. The pictures above show part of the process for creating a black raspberry melomel (the fancy word for mead with fruit in it). He started with a plain mead (fermented honey), then transferred it and added black raspberry mash. After more fermentation, he transferred it again to clarify it and get out all the seeds and fruit mash. There's a bit more waiting and fermentation before bottling.

I joke that the mead is his new true love because upon arrival home from work in the evening he immediately goes down to check how it's faring. Of course, with that beautiful reddish purple color, he certainly picked a looker.

Libraries are Cool

2011-08-17T08:50:00.002-05:00

I'm enjoying the opportunity to take full advantage of the St. Paul Public Library system this summer. I just found another cool service they offer to library patrons. It's a free music download service called Freegal (a cute play on free and legal). All you need is the same login account that you use to access online renewals and requests for materials, and you are allowed to download up to three free songs per week (access resets every Monday). The catalog is pretty large, including many different genres.

If you don't live in St. Paul, you should see if your local library offers this service, which libraries can pay a fee to belong to. You should also make sure to support funding for your local library system, many of which are facing cuts in these tough financial times.

Farmer's Market Tuesdays

2011-08-16T09:13:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite weekly rituals that I established this summer is the Tuesday trip to the farmer's market. The farmer's market is a great way to fill in the blanks from my vegetable garden for things we didn't grow, or in the case of our curious non-fruit producing but otherwise healthy zucchini plants, things that just didn't work out. I'm a total supporter of local vegetables, if only for the reason that they stay fresher much longer in my refrigerator than the grocery store variety.

Is it strange that I find vegetables really creatively inspiring? In addition to giving me all sorts of cooking ideas. The range of colors and shapes are so visually rich that I feel a beauty-induced uplift when I walk through the stands of the market.

The rhythm of our life is about to change again as the kids head back to school in a couple of weeks. I'm glad the Farmer's Market will be open until the end of October to bridge the journey from the easy, outdoorsy, relaxed summer days into the more structured schedule of the school year.

Tomato Time

2011-08-15T08:58:00.002-05:00

Sorry, carrots. My apologies, green beans. My regrets even to you, wonderful fresh herbs. I would never dream of having a favorite child, but I feel no guilt about preferring one crop far above all the others. Oh, tomatoes, you are the whole reason I started vegetable gardening in the first place. You are like candy to me. I'm so happy that we have reached the time when I can head out in the yard each day and find some of you bright red (or bright yellow), sun-warmed, and perfect with a level of deliciousness right off the vine that can never be matched in any grocery store or even farmer's market.

A Day At the Park

2011-08-12T08:40:00.000-05:00

Glorious weather + free mini-golf game won by Mama last week + a city park full of fun things to do + the courage to ride the horses this time on the carousel + harmonious fraternal relations = Carpe aestatem (seize the summer).

Picnics

2011-08-11T08:02:00.000-05:00

I am not one of those moms who carries around a bag full of stuff for my kids when we go out. I believe that travelling light is a good lesson to teach kids. It's fun to see how whatever surroundings you are in can provide you with the things you need, and I also like having a built in end time, for example, when hunger strikes and we have to go home.

However, I am a huge fan of the picnic lunch (or the picnic dinner for that matter). Having a picnic can make the ordinary act of eating a little special for the kids, and it gives me greater flexibility in the times available for our adventures.

Yesterday, I spent the morning making pickles (Pickles!), and by the time I finished, it was already 11:30. We've been having a great stretch of weather up here and I wanted to make sure that we had plenty of time outdoors, too, so I packed a simple picnic lunch and we headed to Dodge Nature Center. In fact, the added enticement of the picnic made Charlie more enthusiastic about taking a nature walk, which was not the adventure he wanted to take. If it were up to Charlie, all our adventures would be focused on procuring gumballs.

Using My Education

2011-08-10T08:18:00.000-05:00

When we go to the library, I let Charlie pick his own books off the shelf for the most part. I end up reading a lot of strange things, only vetoing if I know I won't be able to stand reading something out loud over and over again for the next few weeks. On our last trip to the library, he chose a Spanish translation of a Clifford the Big Red Dog story: Clifford Y El Dia De Accion De Gracias or Clifford's Thanksgiving.

I've just gone with it and read the book out loud in Spanish. I studied Spanish for five years, so my pronunciation is pretty decent and the kids think it's hilarious when I say "Ay, No! Pobre Clifford!" when Clifford falls off a bridge into the water. Both Charlie and Ellis are fascinated by the language change and what the words mean. Sometimes I translate for them. I find it pretty funny that after two years of Spanish in junior high, two years in high school, and one year in college, Clifford El Gran Perro Colorado seems to be about the right reading level for me.

In the August Garden

2011-08-09T08:44:00.000-05:00

Ironweed & Bee

Yarrow

Daylily

Swamp Milkweed

Hoary Vervain & Bee

The riot of flowers continues in my front yard garden. Butterflies and Bees enjoy the party in droves. The carousel ride of high summer is beginning to slow. The shift is almost imperceptible, in the light and in the air. The industrious ant in me is driven to store up the bounty for meaner months. The grasshopper in me says, "Enjoy! Enjoy while you can!"

My Coolest Neighbor: Ax-Man Surplus Store

2011-08-08T08:12:00.000-05:00

Ax-Man is:

Saucy signage...

Relic machinery to mess with...

Inspiration for bizarre craft projects...

Mechanical parts (you'll know what they are if you need them)...

A perfect place for a Saturday afternoon with an eight-year-old who fancies himself an inventor and trickster. It's especially great because we can walk there from our house. This week we picked up: two whoopee cushions, a trick playing card deck, a red laser pen, and a super ball won from a modified pinball machine. Total cost: $6.49.

Sentimental

2011-08-05T09:19:00.000-05:00

Bottle Cap Pig by Ellis

Someday they won't have warm little bodies that climb all over me when I sit on the couch.

Someday they won't give me the things they make as tokens of how much they love me.

There will be many other important people in their lives and the intimacy of right now will fade.

Nevertheless they and I are forever shaped by the deep closeness that is now.

Both the closeness and the impending distance are as they should be.

Hot Mama

2011-08-04T09:40:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite local stores Hot Mama is having their semi-annual clearance sale now through Sunday, August 7. Their clothes are absolutely beautiful and unique, and since normally most of them fall in the "splurge" category of purchase, the super sale price is oh so nice.

There are five boutiques in the Twin Cities metro area, and since the company has gone national, there might be a location near you. Or you can shop online at shopmama.com (make sure not to type in hotmama or you'll get more than you bargained for!)

They're not paying me to say this, but seriously I just love them. I have been a loyal customer of Hot Mama since a few weeks after giving birth to Charlie. None of my clothes fit and my body had that post-partum dumpiness. The sales person at Hot Mama found three things for me that made me look and feel absolutely beautiful, and I still have them in my wardrobe.

You should buy something! Especially since I can't afford to buy any clothes right now. Well okay, I bought this, but see how dirt cheap it was?

Pickles!

2011-08-03T09:26:00.000-05:00

I did it! I made my first jars of pickles yesterday. I made two kinds using recipes from the Ball Complete Book of Home Preserving. The lighter kind are Traditional Bread & Butter pickles. The darker jars are British B & B's that contain brown sugar and ginger in the pickling liquid. I added some dried hot peppers to a few of the jars because I like me some heat, and, of course, put a clove of fresh farmer's market garlic in each jar because pickled garlic is just plain yummy.

Adding to my satisfaction of making these myself, is the fact that all the supplies and ingredients came out of my community. The cucumbers, onions, and garlic were purchased at the St. Paul Farmer's Market. Did you know the St. Paul Farmer's Market has satellite sites around the East Metro on weekdays? I go to the Roseville location on Tuesday mornings, which suits me because I find the weekend downtown market to be a bit crowded for my tastes. Find one near you here. The next few Tuesdays around my house may end up being Pickle Tuesdays thanks to the SPFM.

The canning supplies, jars, and lesson in canning basics came from Egg|Plant Urban Farm Supply. The spices came from Penzeys Spices on Grand Avenue. Since Penzeys is headquartered in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, they get a "close enough" local business award. Plus being in a store full of spices nearly makes my head explode with the creative culinary possibilities. Plus, they have a great table and chairs drawing area that kept Charlie busy for a long time while I was lost in Spiceland. That's just good business.

Charliespeak

2011-08-02T10:49:00.000-05:00

The process of learning language happens so quickly. I want to remember his special words before he starts speaking boring old English like the rest of us...

photo

Wafamingos

photo

Camola Bar

photo

What is this for? Hamming.

photo

Funderstorm.

Another Thing To Do With All That Mint

2011-08-01T08:40:00.001-05:00

I found a way to extend mojito season thanks to Marisa at Food In Jars. Her recipe for Simple Mint Syrup can be found here. Thank goodness, too, because six months without my favorite drink makes for a long, unhappy winter.

Now that I've realized how easy it is to make simple flavored syrups, I think I will be trying my hand at more. The plan is to add them to fizzy water to make homemade soda as well as spicing up some adult beverages. Alas, the black raspberry syrup made from our foraging this year will likely disappear before the first leaves fall because it's too darn delicious to save.

Beach Life

2011-07-29T08:38:00.000-05:00

Pardon us. We are far too busy making "sand mummies," timing swim laps, and soaking up enough vitamin D to avoid contracting rickets.

What's that you say? Last month of summer coming? La la la...we can't hear you!

Making Herbal Tea

2011-07-28T16:07:00.000-05:00

This year it's my intention to preserve enough food from our garden, our foraging, and our farmer's marketing to make the winter months a little bit warmer and a lot yummier. Drying herbs is something I've done for a number of years because my front-door herb garden is prolific. This year, I have a bumper crop of mint (peppermint and spearmint), so I'm drying a bunch to use for tea in the colder months.

Because mint can be a bit invasive, I use my tea making to tame the plants back some by pulling them out at the roots where they are crowding my other herbs. Once I've shaped enough, then I just start trimming so the plant will continue to produce for the rest of the growing season. When I have a good bunch, I tie it together at the stems using a rubber band with some string attached and then I hang it to dry on the plant hooks on the porch. When the leaves are dry, I pull them off the stems and store them in jars.

My bee balm (wild bergamot) has also been prolific this year. This plant is a member of the mint family and it was commonly used for tea during colonial times. I'm waiting to harvest my bee balm until after it's done flowering. The purple tufty blossoms that remind me of feather boas are near the top of my list of favorite flowers. Also, the bumble bees are really enjoying them and it makes me happy to see so many happy bees in my yard.

This year I also planted lemon balm and Munstead lavender in the garden hoping to add these flavors to my tea making. It remains to be seen if the lavender will flower and the lemon balm will grow large enough to harvest this summer. It also remains to be seen if they will prove hardy during their first winter up here in Zone 4. My fingers are crossed for expanding my herbal tea repertoire.

Front Yard Camping

2011-07-27T08:47:00.001-05:00

Charlie checked out the book Amelia Bedelia Goes Camping from the library and after we read it, he started to talk about going camping. While I would love to take the kids camping, it will require some planning, including getting together the proper gear. In the meantime, I thought of some ways that we could pretend we were camping to satisfy Charlie's interest.

It started one night when we built a pretend campfire out of Lincoln Logs in his bedroom before bedtime and pretended to roast marshmallows and hot dogs. Then a few days later, I dug out Ellis's old play tent and sleeping bag and set it up in the front yard. Get some snacks, crawl inside, and voila! Another cheap, easy kid activity.

Road Trip!

2011-07-26T08:49:00.000-05:00

It's tough to be the middle kid. Especially when you're in the middle of a teenager and a toddler. Being a mellow, independent eight-year-old can unintentionally garner you less attention than your brothers who are more, um....tumultuous.

I had originally planned to drive down to the Chicago area by myself for my reunion because the thought of making Josh wrangle all three kids by himself in a place that's not our turf while I went and did my thing seemed like a nightmare. However, when Ellis asked if we were going down to Chicago this summer, we came up with the idea of just the two of us taking a road trip together. Ellis is the perfect age to enjoy playing with his cousins in their swimming pool, it is very seldom that he and I get to do things as just the two of us, and he's in that "sweet spot" of childhood where he's inquisitive without being demanding. I call road trip!

I've driven the route between the Twin Cities and Chicago what seems like a million times. The best part of driving there with Ellis was talking to him about the different aspects of the trip. It was like sharing a family tradition. I showed him how to read the mile markers to figure out how long we have left on the trip. He was fascinated with rest stops and decided he wanted to start a rest stop business when he got older. We talked about toll roads, which are mostly a novelty here in Minnesota, but are the status quo in Illinois. We dreamed about the future when he gets his driver's license and could take a shift behind the wheel.

All in all, the road trip served it's purpose. Doing something cool together made us fall in love with each other all over again.

We Went to School Here and It Was OK.

2011-07-25T13:28:00.000-05:00

Photo credit: Tadd Gleason

Friday night a bunch of us crazy kids left our reunion social and headed over to our high school to paint the rock (a T. F. South High School tradition) in honor of the Class of 1991. In recent years, the painting tradition has expanded to part of the sidewalk near the rock, too, so one of my classmates painted the phrase "I went to school here and it was OK" on the sidewalk. I think all of us agreed that it was the perfect motto for our high school experience. We were good kids then and for all of us high school was just something we had to get through on the way to all the other things we wanted to do with our lives. It wasn't great, but with twenty-years' hindsight, I think we all agree it wasn't incredibly painful either.

Many of my friends I reconnected with at the reunion I hadn't seen in almost the whole twenty years since graduation. The quality I was most struck by in all my friends is how kind they are. We're all leading ordinary lives and carrying the burdens that go along with being thirty-eight, but along with this everyone seems to have prioritized having a deep sense of humanity. We were good kids and we try hard to be good adults, too.

As you move through the various experiences and situations of life, there are always people you take along with you, and people you leave behind. For the longest time, I didn't retain any friendships from high school. After graduation, I needed to move on and keep going for reasons independent of those friendships, yet those friendships were casualties of the path I had to take. This weekend I remembered that there is a group of people from high school that are really important to me. I'm grateful for things like reunions and Facebook for helping us reconnect. Sometimes going back helps you go forward.

Reunion

2011-07-22T09:13:00.000-05:00

I'm just about to get on the road to my original hometown for my reunion this weekend. Ellis is my travelling companion for our first road trip with just the two of us in a long time. More details from our exciting weekend when we return!

Home Canning

2011-07-21T16:04:00.000-05:00

Having more time in the garden this year has increased my desire to get more out of what we are growing on our own land. For the last few years, I've been drying herbs and making pesto and salsa to freeze (although the salsa never makes it very long into the cold months before being gobbled up). Since I also have an insatiable love for homemade pickles and jam, I wanted to explore making my own this year.

When I saw that Egg|Plant Urban Farm Supply was having a basic canning class last Sunday, I got excited and signed up. I learned how to make raspberry jam (pictured above), got a list of basic supplies, and recommendations for resources in book form and on the web.

I'm really excited to have a cool local business like Egg|Plant right here in St. Paul. Their focus is on growing good things to eat on your own plot of land and they have the supplies, tools, and resources to help you do it. It's located on Selby Ave. close to some of my favorite antique stores. Even better, the store is run by folks from the Midway neighborhood.

The name of the store is a clever play on words. In addition to the "Plant" part, they also have the "Egg" part in the form of everything needed to raise backyard chickens. They also sell the chicks! Charlie got to play with the last set of chicks on the day they were about to go to their new home:

They will have more chicks available next March, at which point I will remind myself that I'm really not that great at taking care of animals lest I get carried away with a scheme to have fresh eggs in my backyard.

More Nostalgia

2011-07-20T09:40:00.000-05:00

I've enjoyed digging through my box of memorabilia in preparation for my high school reunion this weekend. The photos are surreal and seem like they are from an entirely different world from the one I live in now. For example, when was I in a Texas beauty pageant?

Just kidding. That's me all gussied up for the senior prom. Lest you think that I was a super-girly, princess-fantasy type when I was younger, I should explain that this was not a dress that I would have picked on my own. My style even in the big-haired, big-glasses late eighties and early nineties was much more crunchy. Usually, I looked like this:

(And yes, I was completely obsessed with the Beatles).

So how did a nouveau-hippie chick end up dressed like a debutante at a cotillion? My mother, my grandmother, and the sales lady at the dress store ganged up on me, and since I wasn't paying for the dress, what was I supposed to do? They were dead set on making a princess out of me for once in my life. It was kind of like one of those after school specials where they make over the tomboy into a super-glamorous girly-girl, except that it didn't stick. I was back to my old ways soon enough, because I have never been, nor will I ever be a princess.

July, July

2011-07-19T08:24:00.000-05:00

We're in the middle of a heat wave up here and it's taxing my creativity to think of things to do inside since most of our favorite outdoor activities are downright uncomfortable right now. I suppose it's a good opportunity to broaden my repertoire of indoor kid friendly activities in advance of winter, but I can't help being fixated on all the outdoor chores that are stacking up.

For example, Charlie left some kind of food item stashed somewhere on our front porch. We know this because the heat is making it pungent, but that same heat is making it difficult to be out on the porch long enough to search for the offending item. Cleaning the porch goes on the list of things to do when the heat breaks. Also on the list is finishing putting together our new gas grill, a project I started this weekend and went as far as I could until my heat-addled brain lost the ability to decipher the instruction manual for connecting the side burner. Since, we've already had one awesome grill fire this year, I feel it best to wait until cooler heads can prevail.

To focus on the positive, this high summer weather combined with the soaking rains of last weekend is making my plant friends go nuts. The basil, tomatoes, and peppers are really coming into their own. I'm trying to be happy for them without worrying about the immense weeding job that awaits me when the heat wave ends. I'm also ignoring how desperately the lawn needs to be mowed in favor of enjoying the prairie flowers that are blooming in my garden right now - echinacea, early sunflower, bee balm, and hoary vervain - giving them a nod as we move quickly from air conditioned house to air conditioned car.

The weather, especially in a place like Minnesota with all its extremes, can be a good spiritual teacher. Perhaps that's why we talk about it so much up here. It shapes our lives and makes us examine what we can control within the context of all the things we can't control.

Big Glasses

2011-07-18T08:11:00.000-05:00

This upcoming weekend is my 20th high school reunion. I was feeling nostalgic, so I got out an old box of high school memorabilia. In that box, I found my old gigantic eye glasses from the eighties. I can't believe these are making a comeback.

This pair was the second pair of glasses I owned. My first pair that I got in 1982 when I was in fourth grade, had transitions lenses and an awesome initial decal in the corner like Laverne from Laverne and Shirley. The stems on the pair above loop down at the sides in a fancy way. I was living with my grandma when I got this pair, and apparently she was my style icon, since these have a distinct shuffle board playing quality.

This is the pair of glasses I wore when I started high school. They have aqua blue stems. The thing that blows my mind is that these glasses seem huge on me now, and I originally wore them when I was much smaller. No wonder I got contact lenses my freshman year.

This gray pair was my attempt to look understated and scholarly. This was as good as it got in 1989. After this, I transitioned to a pair of wire-rimmed Lennon glasses and let my nineties freak flag fly.

I've noticed that glasses seem to be getting bigger again as part of a larger 80's retro fashion trend. I hope that we can all pause before we go too far down that road. Unless of course, some young hipster wants to pay me hundreds of dollars for these awesome vintage specs. (Except for the first pair. I'm going to hang onto those until I'm eighty so I can look super sexy in the old folks' home.)

Summer Reading

2011-07-15T11:22:00.000-05:00

Minneapolis Central Library - Children's Section

Charlie, Ellis and I go to the library at least once every three weeks - the amount of time you can check out most items. On our last trip, we checked out a record 29 items - books, tape stories, and DVDs - a grand total that would make my retired librarian mother-in-law proud. We are most loyal to the two libraries in the St. Paul system that are closest to our house, but sometimes we like to "branch out," so to speak. We like the Minneapolis Central Library because you can take the light rail to it: trains + books = extra fun.

When I was in grade school, visiting the public library was the main activity we did during the summer months. I would check out seven books (the maximum allowed at that time) and read them all in a week. All those books made me dream about the places I could live and the things I could do when I grew up. When I was in high school, back in the days before the Internet, I loved doing research there with friends and reading biographies of rock musicians. I have a friend who just started working at the library in my hometown, and it makes me happy to think of her there, in one of the most influential and transformative places of my young life.

I love that I am raising another generation of readers. I love to snuggle up with them and share a book or five or six. But most of all, this summer, I love having the time to browse the stacks myself, pick every book that catches my eye and return to my old role as a devourer of books.

Go-to Places

2011-07-13T09:27:00.003-05:00

I find, especially with children, that it's good to have a series of go-to places. These are places that provide a "let's get out of the house" excursion that can be done on the spur of the moment. The requirements for go-to places for me are: close to home (walkable, bikeable, or a short drive), free, no planning required, and short prep time. I like to have a mix of outdoor and indoor spaces, depending on the weather and the season, but the outdoor excursions are certainly my favorite.

Como Lake wears the crown for the ultimate go-to place in my canon. Charlie can do about half the 1.6 mile walk around the lake on foot and complete the rest in the stroller. There's a great place to stop and throw rocks into the water (see above).

The bird-watching is excellent:

(Blue Heron)

(Egret)

The landscaping around the lake, which is full of all my favorite local plants, was a main inspiration for my own garden:

(Wild Bergamot -- living up to it's common name Bee Balm)

(Butterfly Weed)

I go there year round because it's such a nice simple walk and a fine example of creating natural space in an urban setting:

What's my favorite season at Como Lake? Whatever season it is now.

Scavenger!

2011-07-12T09:19:00.000-05:00

While I focus my energy on the garden as a way to bring fresh local produce into our lives, Josh is honing his skills to turn us into urban scavengers. Growing up in Alaska, he's used to multiple kinds of berries available for enjoyment from the natural landscape. So when he found patches of black raspberries on the banks of the Mississippi River two years ago, a new summertime tradition began.

The black raspberries are ripening now. Depending on the weather, their season is anywhere from late June to mid-July. It's prickly, buggy, sweaty work, requiring long sleeves, pants, and bike gloves to protect from the prickles and the stings. Nevertheless it's satisfying not just for the product of pounds and pounds of berries, but for the meditative quality of the repetitive, detailed nature of the work.

Josh is a prolific picker. I usually lose half my berries to my picking partner(s). It's okay. The other satisfaction is seeing my little loves in a purple-stained, full-bellied berry-induced stupor.

Community Gardens

2011-07-11T08:51:00.000-05:00

Community gardens are a source of inspiration for me. As with everything else in my life, I take an eclectic approach to gardening. All those design principles about large groupings of a few kinds of plants are lost on me. In fact gardens like that usually make me hyperventilate because I feel like my mere presence is messing up the aesthetic.

On the flip side, eclectic spaces make me feel like I have little fireworks displays going on in all five of my senses. Community gardens, especially large ones are by their nature eclectic growing spaces because they represent the ideas of all the different people involved in the project. People work both independently and are influenced by each other because of the communal nature of the space, so there's a great balance of individual expression and cohesive design.

My favorite community garden is the Dowling Community Garden in the Longfellow neighborhood of Minneapolis. It's a large garden so there is a lot of opportunity to be inspired by all the different things going on in the many plots. It's an amazing feeling to be surrounded by that many plants in the middle of high summer.

This garden was started as a victory garden during World War II, so it's got a great history of people coming together for a good cause. I love to think of today's urban hipster farmers as the heirs of Rosie the Riveter and her friends.

Steelroots

2011-07-08T08:49:00.001-05:00

We made our annual journey to the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum this week. It's a favorite for both Ellis and me and worth the long drive to Chaska. It's a beautiful space and a great walk on a wonderful day. It's so huge that it's hard to balance time and energy with kids to visit our favorite parts (Maze Garden, anyone?) while exploring new areas.

One of the best things is the public art installation. Each year they feature a different artist doing work on a subject and scale that fits the large natural scope of the space. This year, it's artist Steve Tobin's exhibit Steelroots: Touching Earth & Sky. Ellis was fascinated by the process the artist used to make these large metal sculptures of tree roots. In the case of the red one above, those are the roots of actual large trees that had died that he cast in bronze. You know it's cool when you have an eight-year-old poring over the brochure to learn more.

It took me way longer to learn this...

2011-07-07T16:38:00.000-05:00

Him: Mom, why do people always want to come in first?

Me: I guess people like to compete and they think that first means you're the best.

Him: It's silly. Like why do you need to get the gold? Silver is really cool, too.

Me: Do you try to come in first?

Him: Sometimes. Mostly I just do things because I like to.

Me: I think you've figured out that it's feels better to focus what you want to do rather than worrying about comparing yourself to other people.

Him: (Face lights up with recognition) Yeah.

Perfect Song - Lazy Summer Version

2011-07-06T11:08:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post because we're headed out to the beach. I think if Charlie and I had our druthers we would spend every day at the beach for the entire summer. Our favorite places are Lake Johanna and Lake Josephine, both part of the Ramsey County Park system.

Charlie spends hours playing with his sand toys, finding friends on the playground, and pushing buttons on the vending machines. I laze around on our towels, sometimes in the sun, sometimes in the shade, sometimes with a good book, sometimes letting my mind wander. It's so simple and yet feels like such a luxury.

I love this Avett Brothers song because they just nail that feeling with the music and the imagery.

Early Crops

2011-07-05T09:48:00.001-05:00

Sometimes the wait seems unbearable between the planting and the payoff in a vegetable garden. Lots of weeding, watering, and waiting on the way to harvest. This year seems even longer because it was such a cold wet spring. That same weather, though, has now produced a bumper crop of peas and lettuce that we are enjoying. One of the best pleasures of the early part of summer is eating sweet peas straight out of the pod. My kids make an exception to their vegetable aversions because it's just so cool to eat food we grow in our yard. Lettuce also offers a great joy because I can grab just the amount that I need and the rest stays fresh in the ground (no waste!).

We had a little dinner party on Sunday featuring these early green crops and other nosh items. I love summer cooking. All the ingredients are so fresh that it's better to showcase them very simply rather than trying to pull off complicated recipes. This time of year seems to be entirely about simple pleasures.

UPDATE: While the state government remains shutdown, the Minnesota Zoo won its appeal to stay open using the revenue they earn, so Josh was able to return to work today. As we feel grateful for this, our thoughts remain with the thousands of other state workers and their families that remain on uncertain footing.

So Long, Emergency Fund

2011-07-01T10:35:00.000-05:00

As a general rule, I don't use this space to talk politics, but it would be dishonest to write a regular post when my family is being acutely affected by the current political situation here in Minnesota. Today the Minnesota state government shut down because the legislature and the governor failed to negotiate a budget before the end of the fiscal year yesterday. Josh is a state worker, and is indefinitely out of work because of this impasse. Because our elected officials failed to do their jobs, state workers in Minnesota are now victims of the largest lay off in state history. If this goes on long enough, the ripple effect will go beyond the tens of thousands of families that rely on public sector jobs , including layoffs in private sector construction projects and non-profits that won't get their grant payments.

Even as I write this, I know that we are in a better situation than a lot of people who will be affected by the shutdown. I am grateful that we have an emergency fund even if it's a shame to watch it spent down because of an ideology that sees compromise as weakness. I am grateful to have Josh at home to enjoy the summer with the rest of us. I am grateful that we both are highly employable even in this job market. I am grateful that at least for a while, we'll have unemployment benefits and health insurance. I am grateful for our safety net of family and friends. See, life takes many different sources of support to make it work. No one does it alone.

Some people feel that government is at best irrelevant, and at worst the enemy that must be stripped down to nothing. To them I ask the questions: in what other arena do we have the opportunity to create a collective expression of our values across differing view points and diverse backgrounds? Where else do such a large number of people have a voice and an investment in making things work for everybody?

Apparently we are so divided now that we are incapable of doing anything together. If that's the case, then what is the future for our communities and our country if we refuse to work collectively for the things that tie us together?

Origami Fairy Lights

2011-06-30T11:46:00.000-05:00

I love origami. When I got married the first time and had the whole white-dress wedding shebang, I made 1001 origami cranes that decorated our reception hall at Union Theological Seminary. Some friends even hung them in the magnolia tree in the courtyard and other friends took pictures of my cranes in various places around New York City.

I've wanted to do another origami project for a while. I've also wanted to create a lighting solution for our porch so we could fully enjoy it in the evening as well as during the day. Originally, the only light on the porch was a single naked bulb that is strangely long-lived. Josh has never changed it once in the 15 years he has lived in this house. It is decidedly more horror movie than mood lighting:

So, when I saw that a friend had a string of fairy lights in her screen house with little origami shades, I thought, "I can make that!" And then had to wait months and months to finally have time to make 200 multi-colored origami balloons to fit over the bulbs of a couple extra strings of Christmas lights I had:

During the daytime, they add a cheerful splash of color to the white painted walls and trim:

At night they have a magical glow that truly lives up to the fairy lights name:

And create the perfect mood for sitting out on the porch sipping a mojito made with the fresh mint that grows right outside the door.

Would you care to join us for drinks on our porch some evening this summer?

Garden Journal

2011-06-29T11:12:00.000-05:00

I have wanted to start a garden journal for some time now. I need a place to keep track of the things I have planted and what I have learned during the growing season. All those fleeting thoughts and ideas that come to me while I'm digging in the dirt need a permanent place that I can look back on in late winter and benefit from this year's lessons for next year's garden planning.

And speaking of late winter, I can use the proof that there were once tomatoes growing in the yard as a jumping off point for dreaming of spring when things get really rough.

There are immediate benefits, too. The garden journal feeds the obsession I have with my garden right now. Not only do I get to work in the garden for hours on end, I get to write about it, muse about it, and fixate on it when I can't be out there. Double the pleasure!

Cyberspace Game

2011-06-28T14:05:00.002-05:00

Ellis's other class at Leonardo's Basement was called "Raiders of the Lost Junkyard," which was essentially free range to make something with junk. After seeing some kids makings "civilizations out of computer chips," Ellis thought he'd make a game called Cyberspace. There are three levels: Sky, Land, and Sewer plus a bonus arcade level. At the end of each chapter, you have to beat a monster called a "Cyberzilla."

The Cyberzillas are mostly hybrid creatures like things out of some crazy plastic toy mythology. In the picture above you can see Polar Bear on A Plastic Thing, Monkey Guy and Native American-Headed Spiderman (not pictured: Spiderman-Headed Toy Soldier)

There's also Starfish Guy:

Man-headed Bear:

And let's not forget Bear-headed Man

There's Video Game Guy who runs the arcade bonus level and looks like some sort of cyborg Freddy Krueger:

Ellis spends most of his time in the world of imagination, and it's cool when he makes stuff because it's a window into the kinds of things going on in his mind. I'm always delighted by the way he manages to play around with reality.

Lemon Demon Chair

2011-06-27T11:07:00.000-05:00

We like to make stuff in our family. This summer, Ellis is spending four weeks taking classes at Leonardo's Basement, which is a perfect place for kids who are into exercising their imaginations and monkeying around with junk. Last week he had two classes. The first one was "No Ordinary Chair." In the video below, watch Ellis describe the chair and his creative process:

P.S. It's a darn comfy chair for sitting out on the lawn reading while the kids play outside.

Perfect Song

2011-06-24T13:43:00.001-05:00

"Nice Try" by I Am Arrows.

I admit that I first heard this song in a Gap store in New York City. Gap seems to know its market pretty well because I often hear songs I absolutely love when I shop there. It makes me feel slightly like a consumerist tool, but mostly I just enjoy the music (and the clothes). Gap + Shazam app = Perfect Song.

And we all like that, don't we?

Planning

2011-06-22T14:07:00.000-05:00

I have received feedback from many people that I am a good planner. I've often rejected this compliment because it seems like a softer way of saying someone is uptight or boring. Spontaneous people have the reputation of being more fun. Planners are seen as the antithesis of spontaneous and therefore not fun. Even worse in the work world, being called a good planner is often a compliment for someone who is not considered a "high-level thinker" i.e. not management material.

As I've reflected on the type of planning I do, however, I have come to realize that it is a very high level thinking skill. Through this reflection, I've developed the following definition: effective planning is the ability to project your mind in the future in order to influence outcomes in a direction you desire. Planning requires the mental acuity to be able to identify and evaluate the many possible pathways to an outcome. It also requires the flexibility and the humility to understand that many things that happen along the way are uncontrolled variables that may affect intended outcomes in unexpected ways.

I grew up in an environment where my primary care givers consistently told me all the things that I couldn't do. There were a lot of artificial limits placed on my life at an early age that were rooted in fear or in a rigid sense of how things were supposed to be (for example, girls don't play sports). Because of these limits, I developed a strong sense of determination to work doggedly to accomplish the things I want to accomplish, and a refusal to accept barriers or detours as a permanent "no" to an outcome I want. There will always be challenges. A good plan will address these. In fact, you don't need plans for things that are easy for you. In those cases the logical steps to get where you want to go are already ingrained in you.

Planning is for the hard things, the unclear things, the scary things, and the things that are so important that they are entwined with your life's purpose. A good plan is a declaration of strength and purpose in the face of uncertainty. A good plan says, "This is my life and I have no intention of wasting it."

Proof that the Universe has a Sense of Humor and Sometimes the Joke's on You

2011-06-21T12:44:00.005-05:00

Charlie and I headed over the Harriet Alexander Nature center to check out the marsh. The best part about the marsh path at Harriet Alexander is the quiet of it. The bird and frog songs drown out the urban noises and make for a peaceful nature walk. I was having kind of a cranky morning so I was hoping to have some quiet time communing with nature to reset.

When we got to the center, I realized that this was not going to be the case. Two women were there with a group of kids. The kids were fine, but the women seemed to be very into their roles as teachers and camp counselors. They couldn't stop talking loudly while enthusiastically imparting all the wisdom they have about nature on the poor children in their care. My inner crabby pants was activated by the pure delight they were taking in being the experts and by how they couldn't just let everyone experience the place for themselves. I tried to walk quickly by them with Charlie in hopes of getting more quiet as we moved along the path.

It didn't work out. Charlie had something in his sock and sat down on the path to try to get it out. While I was helping him, the group caught up with us. One of the women crouched down and said, “Is he all right? Do you need a first aid kit?” in that chipper voice that showed she was trying to prove how resourceful and friendly she was helping a stranger. I said, “He's fine, thanks,” in a flat voice. I helped Charlie put his sock and shoe back on and tried to move past the group again.

The path along the marsh is cordoned off by wire cords held in tension between wood posts. Charlie was running his hand along the cords as we walked along the path. Earlier, Ms. First Aid Kit was telling the children how a kid in another group had cut his hands on the cords and that they shouldn't touch them. When her partner saw Charlie walking with his hand on the cord she made sure to say to us, “You know, you should be careful, those wires have splinters and you could cut your hands.” I said nothing. We've been to Harriet Alexander many times and the kids walk holding the cords all the time because it's fun and minor risks are not a reason to not experience cool things. And why do some people have to RUIN EVERYTHING?

We walked ahead of the group finally getting enough space to enjoy the marsh sounds and take some pictures. The group turned back after lingering at a sitting area and Charlie and I walked on finally able to enjoy the solitude. The whole time Charlie was holding the wires and cheerfully muttering to himself, “You can cut your hands on the wire!” He was enjoying himself touching the wires and stating the warning and doing it anyway. At the end of our walk Charlie said, “Hey Mom, I cut my hand on the wire.” I rolled my eyes and said, “Oh Charlie, you're just saying that because of that silly thing that woman said.” Then I looked at his hand and saw two tiny cuts on his fingers. I laughed at myself, the old crank, and when we got back to the car, I got an antiseptic wipe and some bandaids out of our first aid kit. The nature walk certainly did its job to lighten my mood, although not in the way I expected.

Three

2011-06-20T13:33:00.000-05:00

Today Charlie is three years old. Of all my guys, Charlie is my number one partner in adventure. It's been that way since the summer he was born when we'd get into my old Honda Civic with no air conditioning and explore our world together. This summer is a lot like that summer, since I'm home with him full time, and I can say he's still as game for tagging along with me as ever.

I love the way he knows what he wants. I love the way he constantly sings. I love the way that letters of the alphabet are his friends. I love the way he loves to brush his teeth. Most of all, I love the way that he loves, which is fierce and full-bodied.

Happy birthday, Charlie. May life continue to be full of adventures big and small.

Rainy Saturday

2011-06-18T17:35:00.000-05:00

Playing outside anyway.

Catching raindrops on our tongues.

Wearing raincoats (but enjoying getting wet).

Walking around the block (Ellis and Derek hold hands, just like Mama and Charlie, because they are good friends.)

Splashing in puddles (the alley has the best ones).

Sharing pistachios on the porch in our wet clothes.

Filed Under Why the Hell Not

2011-06-16T17:31:00.000-05:00

Charlie has been very interested in the sprinkles we use for Christmas cookies that are stored on top of the spice rack. So when I asked him if he wanted to make cookies, he said, "Can we make the kind with sprinkles?" One recipe for Christmas Sugar Cookies later, we were enjoying a little bit of holiday fun. Now the boys are watching The Year Without a Santa Claus and Rudolph's Shiny New Year. Summer solstice, winter solstice - what's the difference?

Keep Midway Weird

2011-06-15T11:36:00.000-05:00

The Hamline Midway neighborhood in St. Paul (aka my 'hood) has a bunch of different stuff going on - light industrial, a university, small businesses, a ripped up main drag that they are building a train in, and housing that is still affordable for regular people. It's been fun to recommit to the neighborhood this summer now that we've committed to staying in our house and continuing the epic project of fixing it up to our liking.

In my old, hyper-scheduled life, I was pretty dependent on my car. It's hard to feel a part of a neighborhood in a car because you are encased in your own little mobile bubble. Car mentality is about getting in and getting out of places quickly and you develop a macro perspective on geographic areas. I've missed having a micro perspective on the place I live, so I'm trying to do more walking and more biking. It also helps that gas is insanely expensive and I am cheap.

There's all kind of interesting happening in Midway. A large group of people seem to be using their property as a form of self-expression (like the neighbors with the metal statues in their yards pictured above). It confirms for me that we live in a place that we fit because we're not "property values" kind of people looking to have a house straight out of HGTV. We're more "our life is one big crazy canvas" kind of people. It's good to know that we live among others willing to let their freak flags fly.

Mother Nature's Son

2011-06-14T11:14:00.000-05:00

Charlie helped me prepare a new bed for planting some mixed wildflower seeds. Apparently for Charlie, gardening is a no shirt, no shoes, no shorts activity.

Gardening also requires lying down in the new bed because you love the warm earth so much.

Whatever ends up coming up in this new bed, I will always remember the happiness Charlie felt because he enjoyed playing in the dirt so much, and my own satisfaction in being able to provide him with that experience.

I'm sure the flowers will be twice as beautiful because the spot is imprinted with Charlie's love that he infused into the soil with his sweet little body.

Long Summer Days

2011-06-13T10:43:00.001-05:00

My sister and I will tell you that one of the saddest parts of our early childhood was being in bed at 8:00 p.m. in the summer when it was still light out and we could hear the joyful voices of other children outside. I try not to base my parenting decisions only on doing the opposite of the things I didn't like that my parents did. However, when it's 9:00 p.m on a summer night, the weather is mild, and my children are running around the block in their bare feet with all the other neighborhood kids, I feel a strange sense of victory.

Observation

2011-06-10T11:58:00.000-05:00

When I was in school, I didn't like science until I took Chemistry junior year of high school. At that point I had a great teacher and the subject appealed to my love of puzzles and logic. Up until that point, I didn't “get” science and I thought it was just a lot of memorization and weird experiments that I couldn't connect to any reality with which I was familiar. Had someone been able to show me that science was about observation, experience, and drawing conclusions about how things work based on those observation and experiences, I would have wanted to be a scientist.

For me, observation is the most important tool for effectively doing every activity that is important to me. Observation is at the heart of good parenting, gardening, writing, and photography. It is the basis for living life well and developing ourselves based on the unique set of experiences each of us has. Having studied theology, I can say that just like science, the best thinking about spirituality is rooted in paying close attention to what is happening in the world around us.

When we start from a foregone set of conclusions and try to make reality fit into those preset rules, the result is dogmatism, ideology, and incapacity for empathy. When we live in the world, feel things with our hands and our hearts, see things, hear things, smell things, taste things without numbing ourselves with the drug that is abstract thinking, the experience is exhilarating, often painful, but always educational. How can you not want to save a world you live in fully? How can you not be connected to others when you pay attention to who they are and why they do what they do? How can you not want to be your best self when you inhabit every moment of your life?

Dodge Nature Center

2011-06-09T14:08:00.000-05:00

Grateful for:

Slow starts to the day, but plenty of time for adventure
Mild weather soaking into the skin, storing it up while we can
18 minute drives from urban to country
Turtles sunning
Noisy chickens
Fields of lupines
A macro lens like an extension of my eye
Coming home to floors freshly mopped by a sixteen-year-old

Hey Mom, It's a Nice Day!

2011-06-08T12:34:00.000-05:00

Ingredients for a Wednesday bike adventure for my good friend Charlie and me:

1. Bike plus Burley Bee.

2. Beautiful destination, preferably one where rocks can be thrown into water.

3. Chocolate bar to share, and a secret compartment for a young friend to stash the bar while riding in the Burley.

4. Periodic exclamations of "It's a nice day!" by the happily sugared up, rock throwing, almost three-year-old.

New In The Garden

2011-06-07T12:57:00.002-05:00

We've reached the time of year when I cannot stop adding plants to the garden. If you see me at a garden store, I beg you to intervene.

This week, I've added some new friends to the herb garden. Two, hopefully will return in future years with the other perennial herbs. Behold, lavender (I have plans for you that include drying with mint and bee balm for tea to get me through the winter):

Also, salad burnet, (soon to be joining my lettuce at a table near you):

Then there are a couple of annual herbs. Perhaps I will dig them out in the fall and bring them inside, although I am a notorious indoor plant killer. At least, I will enjoy them all summer because, really what is summer but one long fresh herb bacchanalia?

Basil (pesto perpetua):

Marjoram (look at that color!):

Finally, a couple friends not of the culinary variety. There were a few gaps in my prairie bed on the boulevard, so I added some prairie smoke. They are small now, but they are going to add some unique beauty to the bed when they grow up:

Also, this pink grapefruit dianthus will join spirea, hydrangea, and achillea on the other side of the boulevard because flowers and plants are way better than lawn:

Listening Walk

2011-06-06T08:38:00.000-05:00

I'm a big fan of activities with kids that require no or little money, not a lot of planning, and simple implementation. It's even better when they come up with the idea themselves. "Let's go on a listening walk," said Ellis on Saturday. It turns out a listening walk is one where you walk around your neighborhood and notice the different things you can hear. My eight year old, it seems, had discovered a form of walking meditation. I was completely game for this makeshift exercise in mindfulness, movement, and sunshine.

Ellis got to be the walk leader, determining our direction. We decided that any sound counted except for our own voices and that we should try not to talk during the walk. This was harder for Charlie who chattered quite a bit, but he can grow into this activity. I added the idea that we go back and write down five things that we heard and share them with each other (guerilla academic skill building). When we got home, Ellis asked if he could draw pictures, too, in case he didn't know how to spell something. Ellis's pictures are always awesome (see above) so of course the answer was yes.

Homebody

2011-06-03T14:10:00.000-05:00

Reflection on the first week after leaving my job: I didn't realize how desperate I was to have some time at home. All this week the things I have been most drawn to are the simple rhythms of home life: cleaning up, cooking food, weeding the garden, doing laundry. In my voracious passion for housekeeping, I feel like a lover who's partner has returned from a long journey abroad. If Charlie didn't require more interesting activities than "watching Mom clean," I think I would be at it for hours and hours.

When I was working full time while parenting, I used to say, "You can have it all, you just can't have a clean house." Now I'm realizing the full impact of living a life where there was no tranquil home base because we could never quite keep up with the chores. I can see how much it contributed to the almost constant feeling of being frazzled.

I am not a neat freak anymore than I am a workaholic, so I have no illusions that I will continue to desire forsaking all other activities for projects around the house, but right now it feels so good to catch up and create a clean backdrop for what comes next.