Kitchi Gammi

We missed last year's pilgrimage because Charlie was too small, but I wasn't going to let another season go by without a trip to the big lake. For a while there it seemed like it was going to be an unpleasant day of children with bad attitudes. Those people who thought the DVD player in the van would be a great help to parents didn't think about how it can instantly become a source of contention and a vehicle for the worst selfishness to come out. Lunch also was just short of disaster with the kids. We pushed our picky eaters with the New Scenic Cafe (local, organic, wonderfully grown up). A verdict of "NO PIE" came down, but was rescinded because we just didn't have the heart not to stop at Betty's.

Now, I have had many inauspicious trips to Lake Superior. In fact, here's the top five list (in reverse order of horribleness):

1. Morning sickness setting in at the beginning of a long-anticipated vacation.

2. Angry, twelve-year-old Nate walking off in the middle of Duluth.

3. Losing my glasses at Park Point during a work trip after having too much to drink and having to get a trial pair of contacts in order to drive home.

4. Hydroplaning on I-35 by Hinckley and spinning across the median into the opposite side of the highway, while miraculously not dying or even severely hurting my car.

5. Being on vacation with my first husband and his parents and realizing that our marriage was over and I was in love with someone else.

You would think that after all that, I would avoid that place. I can't. I love that wild, beautiful, dangerous lake so much and will always be drawn to it. Luckily, today was not an inauspicious trip. Despite all the crankiness that just confirmed my opinion that too many material comforts bring out the worst in people, especially children, once we hit the beach, everything changed. The boys, big and little, were drawn to the same things that I am - those beautiful stones, lapping waves, twisted wood washed ashore, tankers and sailboats. They frolicked and climbed, not as rivals, but as brothers enchanted by the power of the inland sea. As I watched them, I was grateful that I could give them something so wild and free (something that would surely have been forbidden from my childhood) and that they could enjoy it without even thinking about it. Conflict returned on the drive back when we were once again in the thrall of movies and music choices, but now I know that they have not yet lost the capacity to live in the real world - both terrible and wonderful.

A thing I remember about pain...

I was in labor with Charlie. I was pushing with no medication and the pain was incredible. It seemed like I wasn't getting anywhere and I was afraid to push harder. I looked at Josh, the nurse, and my midwife, and I said, "You guys, this really hurts. I don't think I can do this." My midwife took my hand and put it down to touch the top of Charlie's head. "He's right there," she said. I grabbed a hank of Josh's hair and I pushed with everything I had.

On a stick...

The Minnesota State Fair used to be just about irritation for me because of the increased traffic in our neighborhood. Going with the boys these past two years has completely changed my mind. The trick is to go early in the day on a weekday before it gets too crowded. All of the walking mitigates the effects of the sugar on the kids from all the cotton candy and Sweet Martha's cookies (mmm...with ice cold milk!). I'm also hoping that the walking will cancel out the cheese curds and the barbeque. I successfully managed to broker an agreement whereas Ellis rode a "scary" ride with Nate in exchange for going on the Skyride, and Charlie was happy as a clam for almost 3 hours with all the interesting things to eat and see. What's not to love about a great day out with my boys?

Tomatogasm

A few years ago, when I first ate at my favorite local restaurant, Corner Table, I described the experience I had there as having a "foodgasm." The effectiveness of our garden this season in growing that amazing red fruit has led to weeks of a special subset of the foodgasm - the tomatogasm. Eating bowls of cherry tomatoes fresh off the vine, caprese salad with our fresh basil, pasta sauce, and salsas, oh my! Here's my favorite recipe, which is my variation of Rick Bayless's lazy man's salsa as seen on pbs a few weeks ago:

The Sensual Woman's Salsa:

Grill tomatoes, red onion, garlic and jalapeno peppers until they start to blacken

Puree grilled veggies in a blender of food processor

Pulse with lime juice, fresh cilantro, salt and pepper

It's even better when it sits for a day or two in the refrigerator while all the flavors blend.

Quiet

My life does not have a lot of silence, stillness, or solitude despite the fact that these are three things that I love very much. I work with an energetic group of over-achieving feminists and the office is always hectic with the fight against injustice and the loud and vocal humor it takes to cut the heaviness of our work. I seldom have time alone in my house and few hours where there isn't some boy, little or big, sidled up against me or jumping, wrestling, or talking at top volume about some VERY IMPORTANT game or movie reference. If I am to have those important "s words" in my life, I have to actively seek them out and make them a priority. Clearly I haven't been doing enough of that lately because during the moments I have taken I find I have a bumpy transition from the hum that is emitted from the machine that is my life. It reminds me of the days when I lived in New York City and would occasionally visit my former in-laws on their rural Wisconsin farm land. It would take days for my ears to adjust to silence and for my body to relax from constant movement.

This morning, I went into the silence. It started with a drive to Como Lake with the idea that I'd get a little exercise by walking the path around the lake. I brought my iPod, but when I got there, on this clear cool late summer morning, I decided that I needed to tune in with all my senses to what was going on around me. After the 1.6 mile walk, I needed a little more, so I headed over the the Harriet Alexander Nature Center. I did something I almost never do on the drive over. I turned off the radio and opened the windows. I listened to the sounds of my car, the pavement, the light wind outside. I was the only person there when I got to Harriet Alexander. This was a contrast to Como, where the sounds of the conversations of my fellow walkers and the sounds of the traffic around the lake competed with the sounds of nature. I hiked around a little bit, listening to my footsteps, snapping twigs, rustling animals, and calling birds. I went into the marsh, and at one point, sat down on the board walk and let the whole experience of being there in that moment wash over me. I felt the warmth of the sun on my skin as well as the coolness of the air. I heard the frogs, the crickets, the birds, and, more off in the distance, the traffic. I looked at the vibrant lime green of the algae and the bright purple of the fireweed. For just that moment, I was aware of the singularity of my life, of my specific place in the web, of silence and stillness and solitude and how I need those things as much as any other nourishment.

So I'm making a commitment to give myself the gift of quiet at least once a week (more if I can get it). I'm committing to find time to be alone and still and to fully inhabit those moments. I'm hoping that the moments will begin to radiate outward into the rest of my life so that I can retain equanimity wherever I am and whatever I am doing.

Butterfly and Bee

I spent some time among the prolific fireweed at the Harriet Alexander Nature Center. This remarkable monarch stayed in close proximity to me for almost a minute allowing me to photograph her up close. I love that she's lost a piece of her wing. I'm not sure why she gave me the gift of trust. Perhaps because she's nearing the end of her life.

The bees were harder to capture because they had a job to do and no time for a silly woman with a camera. I worry a lot about the news of bees disappearing and the impact that will have on our ability to grow fruits and vegetables. So when I see bees at work, I try to send a lot of positive energy their way for their survival as a species.

Summer Days With Children

Things for a fun sunny summer day:

1. Wading pool
2. Hose
3. Buckets
4. Sunscreen
5. Naked baby
6. Bad tomatoes for throwing and dunking

Things for a fun rainy day:

1. A six-year-old with a great idea
2. Waterproof shoes
3. Raincoats
4. Puddles