Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Wherein like a true Minnesotan, I talk about the weather...

March ends tomorrow and unless they are really off-base on the weather forecast that is calling for temperatures in the 70's, we're going to get through the month without snow for the first time in the history of Minnesota. I have to say that it has been a little unnerving and hard to embrace the warm weather because I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it's not going to. No final four blizzard this year! And while I could worry about what this means in terms of global warming, instead I'm going to rejoice in the fact that my sock drawer may remain closed for a full six or seven months.

Now if I can just convince Charlie that he can replace his winter coat with a new spring jacket. I may have to stage an intervention like I did when Ellis was this age and I finally had to tell him in late May that his hat and mittens were going on vacation until fall. Sometimes it's hard to get your mind around the fact that things have changed. That hard times are over (or at least not everything is hard) and life is actually pretty good. You get used to the drama and it's hard to come down from it and just be grateful and inhabit your life as it is.

This week my mother was diagnosed with the early stages of dementia. It wasn't a surprise. Just a confirmation of something those closest to her already knew. I have complicated feelings about my mother and about the responsibilities that I know are coming to me and my sister as things progress. In many ways, it's not fair that Molly and I are left with these responsibilities and that the window of opportunity to reconcile the damage done over the years directly with my mom is now closed. Mostly all I feel right now is compassion for my mom, who gets to spend her final years, however many they are, struggling in confusion. I get to be here with my family - with a good partner for doing hard things and fun things with, and a close relationship with my children, and a life filled with a deep abiding grace.

I don't know why it didn't snow this March. I don't know why we get assigned the tasks we do in life. I don't know why our only real power in life is to choose the way we receive what we are given. I only know that I wish to remain mindful that as much as suffering is always with us, so is joy.

Friday, March 12, 2010

March is...

March is
Gray and brown. Stark beauty found in the wasteland of neighborhood yards.
Like a body after giving birth filled with the marks of a tremendous labor, and yet recovery comes like a miracle in a few short weeks.

March is remembering that it's okay to go for walks outside.

Snow melting into puddles for jumping.

Bringing bits of color like a standard into the landscape leading the way for spring.

Forward March!
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Thursday, March 11, 2010

C'est Moi

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Feelin' It

Y'all, when did I stop being a twenty-something bohemian artsy urban hipster? In the past month or so I've really started to wake up to the fact that I don't look like a kid anymore. I've been reconciled to and even enjoying the burdens and responsibilities of true adulthood for many years now, but for some reason, it only dawned on me recently that I now have a full-grown woman's body and that I'm not really sure what to do with it. Blame it on the fact that my firstborn turns seven (7!) on Saturday, or spending a weekend with some friends I've had for nearly twenty (20!) years, or hearing decidedly square parental things come out of my mouth when I talk with my teenage stepson, or even watching too many episodes of "What Not To Wear." However you slice it, I am feeling my age and I'm just not sure what to do with it.

I took the pliers to the metal hoop earrings that I had installed in my ears at a piercing parlor the day before my nephew was born. That nephew is now thirteen (13!) and it's time for a new look. I decided to give contacts another whirl because, let's face it, I'm not going to have a face that's this wrinkle-free for very long and I don't want to spend my last good years behind glasses every day. I'm pondering every clothing purchase to understand the fashion choices between "barely legal" and "old lady." I'm working hard to keep my body in shape while I can still do it with relative ease. And I am praying that I age as well as my husband who, since entering his forties, seems to get sexier every year. If any of the rest of you have secrets for how you are dealing/have dealt with this, let me know.

Monday, March 1, 2010


I went to Austin (more on this later). I came home to an almost complete bathroom. There are a few finishing touches left, but even semi-finished, it is gorgeous - all nickel and porcelain and clean neutral colors. If I think too hard about the inevitability that the boys are going to pee on the beautiful new floor I may cry. For now, it's perfect and clean. When are you coming to visit?
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