Zero

Four years ago, when my divorce was finally final, I was left with $22,000 of credit card debt in place of the marriage. Today I made the last payment to service this debt. The balance is officially zero and I feel like I have finally closed the chapter on a big, expensive mistake.

Here's to freedom!

Disruption

It's been a crazy set of weeks since the initial demolition of the nasty bathroom. We're still showering at the Y everyday, which is great for our physiques, but the opposite of relaxing. Then the stove died and we had the unexpected task of buying a new one. It's like the kitchen got jealous of the bathroom remodel and is quietly trying to sneak in its own makeover. On top of the chaotic house, add a crazy busy time at work and some heavy stuff happening with the kids. It took me a while this weekend to realize that the reason I was feeling so out of sorts is that I have disruption fatigue. In the magazines they never show you how much time and energy is expended between the "before" and "after" pictures. It's been hard to find my equanimity in the face of all these changes even if they are growing pains that are leading to beautiful new things. What I find sustaining in all this is not so much the vision of completion, but the things that pin me to the present - walking outside with my cubs, helping with math and spelling homework, laughing at little boys' jokes, baking sweet potato pies, and snuggling in next to my warm love at the end of a long busy day.

My Valentines

In case anyone was wondering, this is what the four chambers of my heart look like.

It Won't Be Long

These arrived in the mail this week. The way I feel about them borders on inappropriate and I almost feel like I should hide them under my mattress. Heirloom tomatoes, peppers, and squash - oh my! Spring is around the corner, my friends, even if the view from the window looks like this...

So Long, Nasty Bathroom

Work starts Monday to transform what is possibly the worst bathroom in the world (second only to our upstairs bathroom) into a lovely and tasteful place. I'm looking forward to not having to apologize to guests when they have to use the bathroom. In anticipation of the change, the plastic arm that allows you to flush the toilet from the outside lever broke last weekend, so for a week we've been pulling the chain by hand. It's always darkest before the dawn, I guess.

We actually started this project ourselves way back in 2007 right before I got pregnant with Charlie. In the time between then and now, I've developed the ability to be honest with myself and admit that I'd rather pay someone to do repairs around the house than do them myself, at least when the scope of the project is overwhelming, as it often is in a house that's as old as ours. The bathroom marks the next step in a long string of repairs we are doing to make this house saleable in the next couple of years and certainly much better to live in right now.

Snowy Morning